Aaron's Notes

Things are busy and a little frantic, but mostly in a good way. It’s been a mix of academic, social, and administrative problems to solve. Having really dragged my feet on doing a more traditional college route has really caught up with me. I’ve been scrambling in this last minute to button up all of my classes, tuition, and generally shoring up whatever I could to help myself keep things on rails during this first semester.  I’ve gotten some really great ego boosts from learning and from friends, yet I’m still having huge waves of feeling out of place and incapable. I’m feeling a lot like this whole endeavor is a very bad idea. That part of me that always feels like I don’t even want to start and that I should just back out now is clawing at my edges. I’m not going to back out. If I want to do what I want to do, I have to get started, and the time is now. I’ve never felt more like this is something I can do than I do now. So even though I can’t shake the feeling like I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m also pretty sure that as long as I just keep a handle on things, this’ll go alright. 

Class starts in 15 days.

That’s a rough thought, but let’s go with what we know and follow the structure, shall we?

Follow-ups: I ended the last check-in with a good score on a math placement test but wasn’t able to sign up for the class that I thought I’d qualified for. The test I took turned out to be one of two mandatory practice tests before you could take the fourth test, which is the second and final one that counts. You cannot imagine what this did to my psyche. I twisted in the wind for the rest of that week worrying about why I couldn’t sign up for the class I need, figuring it out, having to hustle to retake the tests, feeling so close to barfing during each of them because they just kept throwing exactly the wrong questions at me, and then finishing and finding out I did just fine.

Let’s set the stage. After trying to dodge or find ways around the placement tests for Math and English, I finally realized that this was just how things were going to go. In preparing for the placement tests, I’d found out that each allow me to take them a second time if I didn’t qualify the first time. The English placement test went just fine on first try. I knew I wasn’t ready to qualify for placement in the Math test, but since I knew there would be a retest, I’d borrow from a previous plan and use it as a springboard to figure out my shortfalls and pain points, and then study up on those. So I took the first placement test.

76 out of 100. The cut-off for the class was 80. It completely gutted me to find out I’d missed the cut-off by just four points. The placement exam is administered through an online system with a sort of automated proctoring, letting you take it at home with a webcam and active microphone. It’s not my favorite, but it did alleviate some of the stress that I would have felt from having to schedule in person tests. It also turned out to be a great move because the exam proctoring is tied to a system that tells you how you did in the different areas of the test and helps you study up on them. this turned out to be a huge boon for me, and when I took the placement test for the second time, I did extremely well. I got a 98.

And then I waited. It should have been updated in the student’s credit planning section, but it wasn’t. I still couldn’t select that Calc I course that I needed, and it was driving me nuts. I went back to reread everything about this online proctoring system and found out that the two practice tests that I thought were optional weren’t and that they’d run exactly the same as the tests that counted. Not skip-able, not automatically picking up a score that maxes things out, just gotta do them. Plus a 25 hour cooldown between tests. And that clock was ticking. Classes were filling up and I’d just found out that they were going to stop allowing placement from the online system for the rest of this semester soon. Worst of all, I’d done so much practice on an extremely narrow band of problems that I wasn’t really sure where I was falling short, so I no longer knew what to study up on before the real test.

I was quickly losing confidence and the pressure was building, but man, all that studying really did pay off. The second practice test hit me with three questions in a row that I hadn’t seen in months, and I was rattled. But I slowed down, remembered that the test time was three and a half hours for just 25 problems, and decided that was plenty of time to just work it out. I got a 99.

the wait for the final test was nerve-racking. I took notes during the second practice run to keep tabs on what I needed focus on during the next downtime, and made sure to do exactly that. But then when I got to the final test, the one that would really count, it started with question that I’d never done. it STARTED like that.

A rectangular box with a half-circle inside of it. It wants the area of the space between them. And it only gave the length of one side, no other measurements. Fuck me, really? But slowing down had helped me before, and something I’d read from one of the books I’d been pouring through over the summer really clicked in that moment – just start listing what you do know. After looking at all of the pieces that you know, start trying to put together relationships. And then it occurred to me, with that one side’s length, they’d actually given me every measurement that I’d need. Because that scary half-circle was inside of the rectangle and because their edges touched, I could get every measurement just from the relationships, then just subtract the half-circle’s area from the box’s.

Then it gave me a rate problem, but a version I’d never seen before. Rattled again, I decided that I needed to slow down. I’d practiced everything, and everything so far, even the tougher trig stuff, even exponents and logarithms, they’d all come back to pretty much just good ol’ Algebra. Draw a diagram, list what you know, establish relationships. Work through the basics, remember how variables and equations work, and sub stuff out when you can. Check your work backwards and forwards and if the numbers don’t make sense, then it’s probably wrong. Don’t give up, just back up.

It was like this for most of this last test. In fact, I didn’t even get to any of the logs and Trig stuff I’d over-practiced for until near the end, and buddy when that shit came around, I was completely relieved. I soared right through that stuff, so quickly that even though I’d spent half an hour on the first problem alone, I finished the test in under 90 minutes and scored another 98.

A sudden wave of exhaustion flooded over me. and I became a little full of myself. I mean, I learned enough Trig over a few weeks to completely body this terrifying test. But the stress continued because even though I was out of tests and the system clearly said that I qualified for my intended course, the other side of the system still wouldn’t let me sign up. It would be a few days and a hopefully not too frantic email later before it would, and then some nerve-racking days of hoping I could make it past the wait list.

As of now, I have the two main classes that I wanted this semester registered – that English and Calculus I that I’d worked so hard to make. I’m pretty happy about that. I’m also trying to take Physic I, which requires a Lab class, and an Intro to Engineering Design. The three of those are all wait-listed, which is still driving me a little nuts. It’s not that I absolutely need to take them all this semester, but it makes everything line up a good bit better if I can. The Physics and Calculus classes are meant to go together. The Engineering intro is also a prerequisite to a bunch of classes, and it would be my first real exposure to the discipline, so I’m really hoping that I can get in.

I was also twisting in the wind about taking a sixth class this semester, because I’m afraid that if I don’t, I’ll get behind. I had read that a typical first semester for an Engineering degree is something like 15-18 credits, and the five classes that I have lined up would come out to like 14. But everyone I’ve talked to about it so far is like, nah dawg, you’re going to be plenty busy with those. Even an easy class could be over-doing it. Plus, I’m planning to take a class or two over the summer anyway, so presuming I’m not completely burned out by then, I’ll use that to do any catch-up I perceive that I still need.

Health/Fitness: I am now regularly running just under 2 miles without breaks. It’s not always perfect. I had a few days following some storms where humidity and pressure remained pretty high, and I just couldn’t. I had to keep slowing to a walk and huffing it out for a while. It’s surprising just how much more that effects me these days than it did when I was younger and fitter, but it’s alright. I’ve been hitting that near-2 mile multiple times each week, and a major piece of this puzzle is conditioning. I have to imagine that learning to deal with weather just is a part of this.

I’ve also continued adjusting my strength and resistance splits, adding in more calisthenics as I go. Burpies are still a son-of-a-bitch, but that’s more conditioning, so those stay. Crunchers and pushups are getting included in more and I’ve finally started trying to add in reverse inclines, if that’s what they’re called, because my pull-up game is still completely absent. I really don’t think I’m going to make that goal this year, but I’m happy that I’ve at least gotten started towards it.

Academics: Aside from the extended, academics focuses follow-ups, what’s left for the summer is mostly administrative. I’m going to spend the rest of the open time I have split three ways: 1) previewing my upcoming classes, 2) wrapping up whatever personal affairs I may be able to, and 3) getting some dang rest.

The preview list is thankfully short, especially since I don’t even know what could be in that Intro the Engineering class. Though I’m going to spend some time reading a few books on the on what I think will be related topics, watch some videos going over various fields, and maybe take some time working on some of the projects that I’ve left hanging for the past month or so. I think I don’t need a preview on English and Physics takes a lower priority to Calculus, given some feedback I’ve gotten regarding them all. Honestly, most folks are telling me to just take it easy for a while, but I just can’t leave the time entirely leisure. I feel like I just need to get ahead before things even start, and be ready to feel behind as soon as it does.

Social: Most of my social problems these days aren’t really “problems”. It’s mostly that I’m trying to be an overall better person, and in my relationships, that means maintaining the ones I have, repairing those I’ve damaged, and opening up to some new ones in a somewhat-but-not-too strategic ways. You know, I have the capacity in my heart, and there is definitely a utility in having those relationships, but I’m still learning how to manage that part of my time. So let’s not overdue it.

Next Time: 15 days.

I still haven’t gotten my oil changed or done my emissions test. I still need a haircut. I still have a zillion little projects open. I still haven’t caught up on my music practice and homework.

I should play a video game. And juice what summer I have left to spend some time with friends. Speaking of which, I need to get ready for some anime cosplay rave. It does mean being social, so I’m quite anxious about it. But it should be a good time.

The main big push of the summer seems to be over. I still have a few handfuls of things to wrap up in preparation of school at the end of the month, but things seem, more or less, on track.

Follow-ups: Let’s crush the standing academic issue up front – I retook that Math placement test, and I did really good. Last time, I wasn’t sure what the score was out of, but had guessed 100 points. I can now confirm that, though it’s not a 100 question test. It’s like 25 maximum, but it might spit you out early depending on what mathematical concepts are covered by the spread of questions you get and how you do on them. It does make me a little more self conscience about the 76 I got on the first test, though it shouldn’t. I knew I was behind and that I’d get a retest, and taking it as a gauge ended up being the right move. Anyway, this time, my score jumped to 98.

Fuck yeah.

Thing is, the placement tests are connected to the course catalogue, where I see big yellow and red warnings about what you can and can’t take, and I’ve still got a big yellow warning on the dang Calculus I class I’m trying to take. But it’s not preventing me from taking it? And the test site says I can take it two more times. But why? The test was exactly the same format as the first, and they even made me turn on my webcam and microphone to record myself and show my whole entire tiny dining room. So why? And I’m pretty sure I get nothing for closing the final two points, so why? Did I qualify or not?WHY!?! I should reach out to my advisor.

Health/Fitness: I am firmly staying under 240, and that’s a huge win for me. I’ve also now made it out to 1.8+ miles of unbroken running in a single go, and I’m starting to think about challenging the rest of that second mile. I think there’s a very good chance that I’ll be over 2 miles by the end of the summer. I hadn’t really considered it truly possible, but I think I might be able to finish a 5k by the end of the year. Wouldn’t that be nice?

I slacked on the rest of the stuff. I mean, I still lifted and did some calisthenics, but not as frequently as I should, and I probably under the current challenge level. But that’s fine, it’s been a little bonkers. I’m mostly happy I got to it at all.

One thing worth mentioning is that in my last heart check-up, my Cardiologist described me and my heart health as being “a normal man”, which was a pretty big deal for me. Really had to muster up my hardened, toxic male traits to choke down some tears over that thought. What are you talking about, I wasn’t going to cry. It was just suddenly really dusty in there.

Anyway, so I’ve had a few times that I wasn’t super vigilant about my fluid and salt intake, so I could eat out with friends of family and not worry them and not, myself, be worried. And I was fine. I think I’m going to keep my intake in check for my regular day-to-day, but I think I’m in better shape than I’ve thought, and can probably ease up on my very infrequent outings. We can count that as a bonus “social” entry.

Academics: Actually, since I mentioned it in the follow-ups, I should probably reach out to my advisor soon even if I didn’t have questions about my Math placement.

Man, that Math push was bonkers. But also… I kinda dug it. It was sort of fun, just trying to make sure I understood the materials and continually trying out if I could apply it. I hope school is like that.

Before starting school, I’d like to take some time to do a sort of preview of the semester’s subjects. It’s Calculus I, which I’ve previously mentioned struggling with, and it’s paired with Physics I and its Lab. There’s also English Comp I, which as long as I don’t slack off, shouldn’t be a problem. Also Intro to Engineering Design, which I’m really excited about. And I need one more.

I guess I don’t need one more, but it’s a pretty packed degree, and I don’t want to fall behind. Also, it seems like the typical first year Engineering student course load is like 15-18 credits per semester, and I’m only at 14. Should it be the Chemistry class that pairs with these? Should it be Programming? so it would be nice to pick something else off of the list. Honestly, I should have really gotten on registering for the classes earlier, but I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to do the math!

But other than making sure I’ve got my school ID, parking pass, register for all my classes, pay for them, and like a zillion other tiny things. So I should get on those.

I should really check in with that advisor, huh?

Next Time: I’ll need to make some progress on my list, though.. I haven’t listed the list here. Well, I have it, so next time I’ll say what I’ve gotten done this week and what’s left to do. And gosh, I’d really love to spend some real time playing a video game or otherwise dicking around. And man, I need to spend some serious time on music practice.

You know, I don’t think I’m going to keep this particular format when school starts up. Maybe I will. I don’t know, it’s actually been pretty useful in keeping myself on rails through this ramp up. But this version of the blog was meant to just last until I had something to talk about other than fixing my busted life, and that time has more or less come. But… I did see a few old posts the other day and it was fascinating to see where I was just like, a year ago. So maybe I’ll keep them, but at a much longer cadence. Like monthly or quarterly. I guess it really depends on what school is going to be like. I’d really love to gin up something a little more visual, but that’s another project that I just don’t have time for.

It’s been a minute and some stuff has happened. It’s been a little hectic, though mostly by choice and for good reason. But I haven’t given myself time to get in a good check-in, and I’m feeling really overdue. So let’s do that now. Shall we run down the basics?

Follow-ups: The big question that I left off on last time was about my placement tests for school. And I do have news on that, which I’ll cover in the Academics sections, because it is a bit beefy, and not yet entirely resolved.

Health/Fitness: It’s been a lot of good news, but I’d rather dig into it all another time. So for today, I’ll give the highlights:

• I’m down to 239lbs and counting
• My running progress is up to almost 2 miles with no stops and without slowing to a walk. Fuck yeah.
• I’ve been pretty good about my lifting routine, but I could be better.
• My diabetes is extremely well managed.
• I somehow still have somewhat high cholesterol. What’s up with that?
• I added in more calisthenics and am now up to as many as 15 burpees in a single go. Those suck, like real good.
• I’ve been making some progress on a newish goal, to do at least one good pull-up by the end of the year. I’m not sure I’ll make that goal, but I realized that if I didn’t make the goal and didn’t get started, I definitely wouldn’t. So I got started, and I think it’s going well.

Academics: I took the placement tests for both Math and English. I did the Math one first and did pretty well, but not well enough. I came in just a few points short of the score that I need to qualify for placement to the Calc I class that I want. Four points, I think. I think I missed it by four points, out of like a hundred or something, I don’t know. Placement scores kinda seem like sillynanny magical nonsense. But whatever. I get to retake the test, which I think I’ll do tomorrow. I’ll update on that next time.

In the meantime, I’ve been granted access to this online test prep program called Aleks which, when I gave it a quick search around the web, I found out that people super fucking hate it. Do you know me well enough for this to not be a surprise? I kinda like it.

Yeah, no joke. It’s giving me a really nicely structured version of my very favorite way to learn – just bashing my head against the lessons until it finally cracks through my thick skull. I think that might be exactly why people hate it and, to be fair, I think if I was using this back when I was appropriately college aged, I’d also hate it. But for me in my present era, this thing crushes!

When the summer started, I was really worried that I wouldn’t be able to get up to speed on the trig stuff. Part of why I was putting off the placement test was because I knew I was behind on it. But when I read up on the test and found out it would tell me where I fell short and that I’d be able to retake, I figured it would be a good idea to do exactly that, and then I could put together my own course of things to learn and improve. But this Aleks thing is tied to the placement test, and it knew exactly where I fucked up, and it’s coached me through it all! Why do people hate this thing, it’s great!

As of now, I think I’m pretty much caught up on Trig and my Algebra skills have gotten a deeply needed polishing. I’m still feeling a bit weak on some Geometry stuff, and I’m concerned about it. I don’t know how much Geometry I should just have in my mental back pocket. I think I’ve pretty well got the core stuff, areas and volumes of boxes, circles, cylinders. Do I have sphere? Hmm… I should check. I’m also missing a little bit of the crossover with Trig, like I can’t reliably call to mind graphing ellipses, hyperbolas, stuff like that. So that might delay me taking this until later this week, because I’d like to at least see a few of those problems again before I do.

But otherwise, this Aleks thing has sorta super-charged the pace of my learning. it’s been like a couple of weeks and I am feeling very confident in my basic Algebra and Trig skills, even the rate problems that come in the form of a paragraph. I’m really hoping there’s something like this for Calc that and I’ll have access to it. Though most of what I like about it I can do myself by just keeping on top of things and using the text books.

For English, I think I’m good. The results implied that I could retake the test if I wanted, but I got into the English Comp. class that I wanted so… why? Now I just need to actually choose which class and professor. How do you choose? Should I just go for a time that sounds nice, or should I try to figure out if the professor is a good fit? How do you do that? Woof. I should have gotten started on this way earlier. I have to keep this in mind the next time I feel like putting something off that i can get started on immediately.

So once the placement is all finished, I’ll choose my classes and schedule, make sure I’ve got the tuition, books, whatever else I need paid, bought, covered, and I’ll finally be all good. That reminds me, I need to make sure I check if there are specific required supplies, like the new grade shopping lists we’d get in grade school.

Projects: This is another shorter one, because I want to spend more time on other things, but I do want to at least touch on projects. I’ve been working on building a mobile app. This is partly for practice and self education. Also partly to start putting together a professional portfolio. But also, hopefully, as part of a plan to start bringing in some income. I think I have to be realistic in that it’s unlikely this app or any other apps I might put together might make any money. Maybe some coffee cash, at most. So I’m really not trying to bank on this just solving my income needs. But I think my current attitude of just keeping at it and learning from it will have long term payoffs. This should give me some practice, not just in the app building itself, but also in publishing, monetizing, and more general work in project management and just business. I really need to get up to speed on some general business shit. Yuck. Well, let’s put “learn business” on the “projects” board as well, I suppose.

But the app and basically everything else has gone on hold while I wrap up my Math needs. It’s been Math morning, day, and night ahead of just about everything other than exercise and the most basic of other needs for the time being. As soon as the placement tests are solved, I’m going to spend some serious time on my music, check in on all of my open projects, reevaluate where I’m at on this app, and play catch-up on the rest of my actual life that I’ve been letting slip – more on that later.

Social: The main social situation in this post is that I traveled to Minnesota with my brother. It was pretty good to travel with him – he’s really good at this shit. I mean, he does travel for his job and like, all the time. But don’t let that take away from the compliment. He’s extremely good at travel. He’s also pretty good at dealing with people going through a difficult time, which he also has a lot of practice with. I’m not going to get into it beyond a quick note, which is that he has had to take care of some very difficult relatives going through some very difficult, age related ailments. Though they also have a number of non-health related, shall we say, “unforced errors” that compound all of it, which I would imaging ups the difficulty level. I think this made him particularly adept at dealing with the purpose of our trip.

That purpose was to take care of some family. The previous set of relatives are his wife’s, so they aren’t a problem for me. But we also have some ailing family of our own. One of my uncles on my mother’s side is very sick with a quite aggressive cancer. This is compounded with some complicated psychiatric and cognitive issues. Also some really bad type II diabetes. I’ve got the betus myself, but mine is well managed. His is extremely not. I must admit that I haven’t spent a lot of thought about my overall family situation for years, which is pretty not great of me. In my defense, my work situation made it difficult for me to keep up. But to counter that defense, I don’t work anymore. So… I should probably be putting in more effort.

Anyway, my uncle had moved back in with his mother, my grandma, some time ago because he really can’t quite take care of himself anymore. The thing is, my grandma is like 92 years old and can, frankly, not take care of herself anymore, either. I’m gunna do some pretty hefty yada-yadaing here, but basically he’s ended up in the hospital and he is doing extremely not well. I’m not sure where my brother got the idea, but he decided he needed to go out there to see our uncle and help our grandma, even though he could only spare a quick weekend. He asked if I wanted to join him and while I was preparing some pretty good hemming and hawing in my mind, it dawned on me that this has been one of my primary complaints about my previous professional life – that I couldn’t ever seem to make time for family. So I joined him.

I’m still unpacking things, mentally and emotionally, at least. I didn’t have much luggage to unpack although now that I think about it… did I finish? Hmm, I should check on that, I think I left an outfit in one of my bags.

The surface feelings are that it was very good to see them both, though it’s terrible to see my uncle in such an awful state. He is very thin, very weak, and his mind is struggling to stay present and often falling short. And my grandma is putting up a good front but she is obviously in distress. She’s staring down the barrel of her son’s mortality, her own, and the loss of the life and home she built starting as far back as 1963. Probably more. That is a lot, my friends.

I think this needs to be a part of my strategy for my future self. I need to be able to just pick up and go when I’ve got family or friends that need help, and right now, I really can’t just do that. I’m not working anymore, which for this summer has given me time. The saving from that job gave me the money. In about a month, I’ll be in school full time, and right now, my plan is to basically treat that like my previous job. But if I can find a rhythm, I’d like to pull that back a little and give myself the time and grace to pick up and bounce if I need to. But I’ve never been to college, so I really don’t know how that works. The money part of the equation, I mean, those savings are going to run out before I know it. I can take student loans, and I probably will. But the bigger thing is that I need to start working out my short- and medium-term income plans. School is the corner-piece of my long term strategy, so that’s why these questions are so important for me to cover.

There are other social things that I’m going to just speed-run right quick. Just a bunch of things that I need to solve for in my friend groups.

• I’ve become a regular at a Saturday evening board game get together, which frankly rips. I gotta make sure that I can keep up with that.
• I also fell off of hosting a regular “work from home with friends” at my place, and I need to decide if I’m going to restart this or find a replacement for it. I loved doing this and would love to do it again, but with the learning pressure, time has been really tight lately.
• Alternatively, I just need to have a regular social hang that I host, and I’m not sure what that’s going to look like when school starts. Maybe I’ll talk to my friends about that, because I’m going to have a couple of them over later this week to talk about another social plan, which is…
• To go to a video games Con of sorts in November. I’m actually not 100% sure I can even attend, but my plan right now is to just book the trip and if it turns out that I can’t, then I guess I’ll have to cancel and deal with it then.
• I have a guitar playing get together on hold with a newer friend that I need to hurry up and plan as well. It’s going to be next week, I just need to make sure I don’t accidentally try to book a day that I’m not actually available. Or maybe I should just do it

It’s probably how I should have handled it all along, honestly. I should really just start handling all of my future social plans like this – stop worrying about whether everything around the situation is perfectly buttoned up and just make the plans, adjust if I find out new information. Whoa, that sounds like a good way to be. I should add that to my list.

I also have a bunch of non-social things that I need to wrap up before school starts, like an HVAC maintenance check, a hair cut, a registration re-up on my car… or maybe it’s just an emissions check?… I don’t know, a bunch of things like that. None of it is hard or really much of a time commitment, but given my current hard focus on pulling together the last of my school needs, I’ve felt OK letting them all fall by the wayside for a while. But I’m going to need to catch up on them all as soon as I wrap up the current push.

Next Time: We’ll see about that math placement retake – wish me luck.

It’s hot and I’ve been “busy”. You know, not really busy. All of my in this era is my own, so it’s hard to say in earnest that I’m busy. I am making a point of packing my hours pretty tightly, though. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s hard not to feel guilty about not working, even though when I check in with others or even seriously evaluate things for myself, it sure does seem like I’ve earned it. But also, I think a little guilt or something of that nature is likely good for me as I try to pursue, you now, all of this.

Follow-ups: The big one is on the school progress, which there isn’t much of, so I think we’ll skip this week’s Academic section and just sum things up here.

In the next week(ish), I’ll be taking those placement tests. I finally sat down and read up on what the tests are and how they go. I decided that, especially given that the first day of school is fast approaching, I should just take the tests already. Two key factors on top of timing, one is that it turns out I can retake the tests, which is great news. The other is that there are options for different types of tests, including that I can take them at the actual school, which is just like 20 minutes away in heavy traffic, or remotely. I’m opting to take the available remote options for both Math and English for my first go ’round, and hopefully I don’t need a second for either. If I do, then I don’t know. Might be good to go in person.

The Math test seems to be on demand, so I’m planning to take it tomorrow or Friday, assuming I feel pretty good about my ongoing Precalc review. The English test needs scheduling, so I’ve lined mine up for Tuesday. That’ll give me the rest of this week and Monday to get ready. I feel pretty good about my writing in general, but I have a few critical weak points that I’ll admit give me the jitters.

Once that’s done, well… I guess we’ll see where things are. I really don’t want to start below Calc I, that’s the real thing making me nervous. English wise, I’m warming to redoing that. Especially if it either includes or is specifically for Science/Tech programs. I haven’t checked if there is one, but I’ll do that once the tests are in. The idea of getting practice writing academically actually seems kinda smart. I’d still love to skip it, but we’ll see. Maybe I work on testing out of that one. Though it might be more worth my while to try and CLEP out of some electives. But I’m really putting that cart before the horse, so let’s move on.

Health/Fitness: I’ve managed to keep my weight in the lower end of the 240s, which is a win on its own. I think I might have tipped, briefly, down into the high 230s, but I’m not going to count it. What I am, however, going to count is that I’m back to finishing a full mile without having to stop or slow to a walk. A full mile! In fact, I’ve done it three times this week, and it’s only Wednesday. That’s each day, in case you weren’t paying attention.

I’ve also been getting in a lot more regular cross training, mostly strength exercises. But the calisthenics have been working their way in, most notably those dang burpees. Hokie smokies, them things are a rough time. I’m not even hittin’ that hard, just like, 10 every other day. I’ll have to start pushing it more, though. That’s what happened with my running, which is a thought I guess I didn’t finish. I should probably rewrite this section to tidy the thought up, but it’s too hot. Anyway, during that balls-hot previous week, where it got up over 100 F for a couple days in a row, I got out there and made it happen..

I tend to end my slightly-under 4 mile walk with a jog, not every walk, but at least a few times a week. I tend to start about a mile out from getting home, and usually have to slow to a walk a few times. I’ve been starting much further back for a little while and yesterday, I gave tried to keep track of things as I did. My fitness tracker clocks the full route at about 3.9 miles. I started my run when I was about 2.2 miles in and didn’t slow to a run until a little over 3.35 miles. I know these things aren’t perfectly accurate, but it’s been pretty consistent and for my purposes, I think it’s close enough.

That first extended run was pretty rough, but today’s actually felt kinda good. And that really rocked.

Oh, and my shoulders are feeling a lot better, too! When was the last time I brought that up, last year, maybe? Well, the shoulders have continued to be a problem. Still are. But they are much better. I can almost get back into correct form when trying to do barbell squats. And that’s pretty dope, too.

Next Time: I guess I’ll talk about how things went. Here’s to hoping. Maybe I’ll check in on that app and various other pursuits. Politics, if I’m not too annoyed. Which I am, so maybe not. Anyway, that’s good for today. Keep it easy, y’all.

I’ve been contemplating a strategic crash-out, but I just don’t have the time.

Follow-ups: In the last check-in, I mentioned that I’d submitted my previous course work to my community college for actual credit evaluation. I have since received the feedback – they aren’t going to take any of them. I find myself a little saltier about that then I thought I would be, I suppose because I’d always assumed they’d take at least something. Even just one. But I made at least one classic mistake, I’d taken the online courses knowing they’d be accepted by one state school (the Global campus) and assumed they’d be taken by all of them. It turns out, this school doesn’t take any of them. I could always just shift back to the original plan of sailing through an online, self-paced IT degree. But no, I’m feeling more committed to and prepared for this treacherous Engineering path than ever.

I’m also going to make a quick musical note. Not a musical note, Gmaj, but a note on my music rebuild and such. Much of it remains sidelined for the more critical Summer academic push, but I need to really put some more time into the setup. I need to figure out what the actual progressions of our cover songs, and also figure out the strumming patterns. And I’m struggling with them. Also, I’ve promised a few “easy, power-trio songs” to get us practicing as a band, and I haven’t really done anything towards that. But as we took another swing at our potential set-list and it seems like everyone agrees that we should do a Green Day song. That’s perfect. Some of their most popular songs are extremely easy to play and adopt. I think this might be a chance to do both, a sort of “two birds” situation.

Health/Fitness: I slightly jacked up my foot. I was pretty sure this was a sodium-intake fuck-up. I was sure that I’d overdone it on salt and that my foot must be swollen, because it hurt in a similar way. But that didn’t really add up, because I didn’t really go all that hard on salt, and my foot wasn’t actually swollen. It fit just fine in my shoes, actually kinda loose in my boots. After a shower, I noticed that I actually had bruises on my foot, especially around the ankle, and while doing a little idle daydreaming, I mentally reviewed the previous week to take stock of everything. I think this has revealed the actual issue. I did a bunch of single-leg body-weight exercises last week, including some slightly improvised isolated calf raises. The last time I did any calf raises, it was double-leg, and quite a while ago. So basically, I just overdid an exercise the regular way. I guess that’s good. Anyway, I babied it on Monday but got back to it yesterday.

Actually, I have a few positives to note, the first being that I’ve done a couple of longer jogs. I’m still not doing a full mile without having to slow down to a walk. That is one of my goals for the year, to get back to being able to do that and, to increase on last year’s similar goal, to be able to do so fairly consistently. I really only pulled it off concretely once last year, though there were a few other times that may have counted. So I’ve bumped up my practice from about a mile with walking breaks to a little over a mile and a half with walking breaks. And I’ve done it a few times. So that whips.

Another little bump up is that I have more close friends that are also in this early-40s health fix. I’ve had a few shared commiseration sessions with a variety of them, each of us at different stages across this shape-up timeline. There were some common, shared themes, notably the goddamn fiber. 32-40 grams a day, on this American diet? Geezums. It’s just so much!

As it stands now, my weight is ping-ponging around the lower 240s. Given my desire to breach back below 240 and steadily hold somewhere in the 230s, this is quite frustrating. I mean, it’s great that I’m back in the lower-half of 240, after finding myself all the way back up around 250 and then struggling to out of the upper-half for so long. So I should count that win. But I feel like I’m in another plateau, which is rough. Given the shared goals of rebuilding my strength with the loss of fat, there is a chance this is a good sign. In fact, it matches well with parts of last year’s progress, and with the expectations typically given in body-recomp programs. And there’s a bigger indication of this year’s progress, and it’s the way my clothes fit. My shirts don’t feel strained, off kilter, and awkward. But most of all, my jeans feel loose. My jeans never feel loose. It’s a feeling that shouts louder than any number on any scale.

So the big boons – I have gains, both measurable and less tangible feedback. As already noted, I am overall down on my weight and I can keep my jogs at pace for longer. I don’t think I’ve yet mentioned, but I can also lift more. My busted mobility has recovered enough to reincorporate some of the more difficult full-body exercises and calisthenics, like the dreaded Burpee. And then there are are the deeper gains. My clothes fit better and I’m starting to feel less awkward, more like myself. I can feel the strength coming back to my arms, core, and legs, while the shape and volume of my shoulders are noticeably filling out again. I’m still so far from my goals, but victories like these are enough to grab hold of. Now I just gotta keep that grip and drag myself up to the next step.

Academics: So in light of the revelation that none of my credit work will count, it would seem I need to arrange some placement tests. I guess this could also be avoided if I could find my SAT scores, but then again, I don’t remember those being particularly good… also, that was like 20 years ago, why would anyone want those? I’m not even that person anymore.

The other option, which may not even be a real option, is that the school does take other alternative credits. CLEP was an option I had been looking at anyway, so I’m back to looking at modernstates.org. This is a slightly different online course program, which helps you study up to take CLEP tests. Should I explain a CLEP test? You’re on the internet, you can just look it up. But it’s basically a much more universally accepted college credit system in the US. Almost everyone takes this, including all of the schools that I’m looking at. It’s a way of “testing out” of credit courses in a way that schools can evaluate and grant the credits for.

Something about this website thing rubs me the wrong way, but hey, free credits is free credits, right? So I’m blowing through their College Algebra course right now in hopes that I can take that CLEP and perform well. The thing is, schools may still not like specific CLEPs, and they also might not give you the exact credit you want. A thing my Mom reminded me of earlier this year is that schools often have different versions of the same course. In some cases, it’s basically the same class, but it’s tailored to the specific program you’re on. Which means, if there’s a Statistics I and an Intro to Stats for Medicine, they might be the same class and they might not be, and if they aren’t, the school might only give you credit for one version and not the other. And if you need the other, then dawg, you’re boned.

I have a few courses that I’d like to CLEP out of, mostly College Algebra and College Comp. But is this foolish?

I’m still not super chuffed, because my Math does still need work. I’m extremely rusty and while I’d like to jump right into Calc I, if I have to go back over an earlier class, that would probably benefit me in the end. But it’s such a jam-packed degree, I really don’t want to spend the time or money! I need to get started on the real, main stuff, like ASAP. So I guess I’m conflicted on that. Stats is similar, I’m sure I could benefit from taking a full, in person course, but also… I’d rather spend the time on something new. Though I did enjoy the materials, so it wouldn’t be the worst.

Likewise, I enjoyed English Comp, once I got the hang of it, and retaking it might be nice. It could even feel a little like a break. I’d also read that many schools and state systems make you take their specific course because part of it is standards and style, and they want you to learn theirs, not a national standard set by Chicago or Austin, so all of your writing in the school system follows those standards and styles. I don’t love that but I do get it and also, it kinda doesn’t matter if I like it, it is that way.

I should probably just check in with an advisor or something, but all of this is so new to me. Is that how you’re supposed to approach these problems?

Projects: I’ve been working on a mobile app project for a few months, and the scope has jumped up quite a bit. It started as a set of calculators for home cooks, and it was kinda cool. However, the problems that I’d aimed to solve with the app weren’t really covered by the calculators, no matter how snazzy I’d made them. So it’s developed into a kitchen workflow app, and now it’s turning into more of a recipe app. it would be a pretty unique recipe app, to be fair, and the recipe app space is still open for alternatives, which increases the chances that this app could be more than a throw-away “portfolio app”.

However, this shift has increased the time and difficulty of development. I’m definitely hitting spaces that are just outside of my experience, which has meant a combination of googling, reading docs, and hoping I can get halfway decent responses to very specific questions to AI chatbots. Let me tell ya’, the AI chatbots can be helpful in sorting thoughts, and they’re better at coding than most other things. But they sure as shit ain’t perfect. It really does expose just how not AI the AI really is – they’re all just extremely clever search engines, at best. And how exactly do they plan on making money?

Something Else: It sure feels like what’s happening in America right now is rhyming with some of our darkest days throughout history, and I’m quite worried. I think we have a chance to prove that America is an experiment worth continuing. We are faced with many of the same questions of pluralist societies, like interwar Germany. Difficult, societal problems that they failed, horrifically. Not just them, but many others, basically most, including us, regularly. And for the past few decades, we have been slow-rolling towards fascism, and more recently we’ve broken into a full sprint. Centrists, as they always do, “reluctantly”, if you believe them, side with the right wing. They regularly prove themselves incapable of rising to the occasion of setting things right, because they never wanted things to be right in the first place. They wanted to be on top and to do so in a way that clearly puts them apart from the rest of us rabble. They can’t see how in such a world, they will be just as unqualified to be considered “people” as the rest of us. Color, religion, sexuality, providence, or any other metric chosen and redefined regularly will always come to exclude more and more, because the blame game that accompanies the grievance politics that defines the Right is insatiable. And so it will be until it consumes us all.

But there is an energy in the air, lately, which I think most have noticed. It could be a chance to reclaim, redefine, and reassert the promise of America from the other direction. I’ve often thought it impossible to see in my lifetime, if ever, and I often feel guilty for not participating more. But this makes me hopeful. I think we have a chance. It started slim, but it’s expanding. As my life stabilizes, I should probably jump in a bit more, because I still believe in the promise of America. The recent successes of the DSA and other left and leftish groups keep the hope alive. So here’s to hopin’.

Also, if this somehow gets solved for the better in the next couple of years while I’m busy with school and getting myself right, I wouldn’t mind that one bit. Hey, maybe ya’ll can help with the cost of higher education while your at it, yeah? Just thought I’d ask.

Next time?: I should have answers for these school questions. I should either have some test of some sort, be it a CLEP or a Placement test, scheduled. I should figure out everything I need to have done and setup so my first day and week of actual school can go smoothly. I should make moves to solidify every part of my plan that is still too fluid. I’ll report back on that progress.

Staying up until 3 AM twice a week is just not working. I gotta figure out these weekends. But you know, I’m havin’ a good time, so…

Follow-ups: The schedule is definitely helping, even when I don’t fully adhere to it. As I stated in the last check-in, having the plan makes it so much easier to stay on task, get back on task when I fall off, and figure out where I need to aim my focus when there just isn’t time. My music practice is a great example, because I’m definitely falling short of that section of the plan, but just having and keeping the plan in mind makes it so much easier to mitigate the impact, if you don’t mind a smidge of corpo-speak. In fact, I’d say it’s proving its worth, because music has had to move aside a bit to make room for some temporary priority shifts. The thing is, even though the music priority has been lowered, it hasn’t been left behind. I’m still practicing. Without the plan, I almost never practiced. When I did, it was always the same, mostly aimless re-treds of the same junk-riffs I always go to. Now I’m better at just picking it up, because I know I have something to practice. And it’s a shorter list with a wider variety of areas to work on, many of which I’d been meaning to work on for years. So some days I just pick up a guitar and practice strumming, sometimes it’s chords and voicings, or a song or just the hard part of a specific song, and so on. I even have a day in the schedule where my practice is basically to just read and/or watch videos, which helps keep up momentum. I’ve put similar structures across all of my areas of focus, and it’s really kept me from wasting a day. It’s really helped me get back on the Math horse, particularly during those early sections of Trig where I was really starting to falter.

Fitness/Health: Let’s get a number in here, 243. It’s taken much longer than I wanted, but I’m back down to 243, and I’m pretty happy about that. At this point, if I can just make it back under 240 and stay there for a while, I’ll consider that a win for the year. Of course, the goals remain, celebrating every 10 pound increment until I hit 200, then reevaluating where I actually want to take things. For various reasons this year, I lost ground quite possibly by more than 10 pounds, and it’s been a real slog to claw back down, as evidenced by my still not quite being there. So I think the recovery and setup for that difficult Winter maintenance phase is the real goal. Not that I’m giving up on another 10 pounds beyond – I’d love to get under 230 this year. But I’ve got to manage my various stresses, so I don’t want to over promise to myself on a goal that I might not be able to make even with a hard, dedicated effort. If only I’d had this type of fortitude when I was healthy. Well, healthier.

Academics: It looks like any school credit I might have received from my military service probably won’t count at this point. I mean, it has been like 20 years. I’m not entirely sure any of those credits ever really would have counted. If I recall correctly, the bulk of them would have been in Communications. That would be nice, but would those apply to an Engineering degree? I suspect not. There may have also been some electronics credits which, honestly, shouldn’t. Well, I don’t know, I guess it’s a pretty big field, so maybe some of it would make sense. I’m thinking about stuff like circuits and stuff, and while my time did teach me some pretty awesome things about radio wave propagation, I don’t think I could really explain any of it without making hand gestures and saying “it’s like, you know” a bunch. So that’s probably not credit worthy. So I guess I’m not really bothered by that.

What I am bothered by is that I’m still not seeing any sign of the school accepting my credit from the online classes I took recently. It wouldn’t devastate me if they don’t take any of it, but it would really bum me out. I’d rather not retake those classes in particular. So I think I need to check in with the school to make sure I submitted this stuff correctly. I kinda suspect that I have not. And if I did and they aren’t taking them, then I guess I need to take those placement tests. Which I’d also rather not do.

Side social note: Mostly things have been pretty good and I think I’m making progress on the areas I’ve been working to improve. However, there have been a few missteps. I had a few times I held a door a bit too early and a few other times when I should have held a door and didn’t even offer. In each of these cases, it became obvious to me far too late. Many of those doors were metaphorical in nature, but the general idea of extending a courtesy or performing a standard politeness eluded me in frankly ridiculous ways. Sometimes I wonder if my public persona is that of a barely aware goblin.

Also, I think a woman might have been trying to have a conversation with me on my walk and I was rude. I was moving at a good pace and there were some owl-like hooting coming from the woods as I was passing a woman with a dog. The woman seemed younger than me, but mature and put together like the adult that I pretend to be. Medium-biggish dog, like a yellow lab or something? I guess I didn’t really get a look at either, but the dog seemed like a real sweetheart and the lady seemed nice enough.

Now, my experience in public is that noone except my close friends and family is ever happy to see me, and it’s my job to get the fuck out of stranger’s business before they feel like I’m harassing them. So I just assumed she was being nervous when she asked me about the noise. So I gave a response that, while on topic and nominally reassuring, was obviously implying that I wasn’t sticking around. And I kept moving ahead, as indicated. As I’m trying to be less curt and standoffish, it did occur to me that this may have been a dick move, and I later brought it up to a couple of friends. They think I was meant to slow down and chat for a while, though some of those theories really took some liberties . But I don’t know, that doesn’t seem right. Is that right? I’ve walked around on this path for years and not once has anyone ever reacted positively to my being there.

It also bothers me that I never stop to pet the dogs. I just assume, not just assumption, actually, I’ve heard people walking their dogs want to be left alone. So I leave them alone. Is that not the polite thing to do? I’ve been noticing people being more friendly with me in general over the last year or so, not just on the walk, but everywhere. I really don’t know what to make of it, or how I should respond to it. Do I somehow look more friendly? Should I? Is there a way to react that I should have learned by now, but missed because I was wallowing in my sadness for so long?

Well, in a few months, I’ll have an overload of social interactions. So I guess we’ll figure things out then. I’ll try to be a tick more present on the path, though. I wouldn’t want to be rude.

Next Time: Gosh, I hope mostly nothing. I’d really like to spend this next week just studying, making progress on my other school preparation, working on my projects. And cleaning, I really fell behind in a couple areas of cleaning. I spent a big chunk of Saturday cleaning my kitchen. I pulled out the fridge and stove, and man, I gotta do that more often. I gets so gross back there! I need to put together a home maintenance schedule. I bet that would slide right into my plan. But I’m probably not doing that this week, I’ll probably mostly do the plan as is, best as I can, and try and get some rest. I’m so tired.

Tuesday was my birthday, which I’m going to use an excuse for the late check-in this week. It’s not true, I didn’t do anything special. What’s actually going on is I’m just kinda locked-in on a few things. Let’s have a quick check-in to explain.

Follow-ups: I haven’t been sticking perfectly to the new routine, but even so, I’d say it’s helping. Just having a basic plan for what to work on each day is extremely helpful. I’m most of the way through this week. At this point in most weeks, I start getting a sort of ambient feeling of being overwhelmed, I think because there’s always so much to do that even when I get a lot done, it can feel like I’ve done nothing. So far, I know there are things that I won’t get to this week, but I don’t feel terrible about them, because I’ve been getting stuff done all week. I’ve also been able to prioritize and then stick to those priorities a little better. So I’m pretty happy about all of that jazz.

The normal stuff: There have been changes, but nothing pressing, and I’d rather wait until next week. Maybe everything resets to normal, maybe not, I don’t know yet. I’ve had some really good exercise sessions and I’ve been getting in the nutrition, which means it’s possible I’ll actually gain weight. But it should be lean mass, which is nice on its own, but should also help me in the future. So here’s to hoping.

Next Time: We’ll see, probably follow up on all of this, right? One lack – not enough music practice. That’s not the routine’s fault, though, I’ve just been really head-down on a few other priorities and I haven’t quite worked out the kinks on that particular part of the schedule. But even there, I’ve gotten in more practice than most weeks. So that’s still a win.

Alright, let’s keep on keepin’ on, shall we?

Trigonometry seems to be my biggest math knowledge gap going into Calculus. When I started about a month ago, I knew almost none of it. I have a mix of recollections from around the time I should have learned it, though I think most of what I remember was actually picked up later from my time in the Air Force. It was part of my job at the time, and to some extent, I would sometimes use DMS to denote direction. That Degrees Minutes Seconds, or a way of expressing precise degrees in what I think is more readable than standard decimal degrees. There was another alternative degree system that I think was called Mils? Two L’s, maybe? I don’t recall. That was mostly for artillery, which I didn’t run into very often. I think I mostly used it in a tactics and strategy class. Also, that was a long time ago, and memory fades and all that. But it doesn’t matter anymore, at least not to me, so let’s move on.

I could vaguely recall some of my high school Geometry, but I didn’t have any of the triangle stuff internalized. The triangle stuff turns out to be the whole game, really. As an aside, I think the rest of my Geometry is also pretty weak, so I’ll want to spend some quality time reviewing that stuff this summer as well. I think I might have mentioned that in my Algebra review, but it’s worth saying again now. I’m certain it will continue to come up, and I should really know it.

So far, my Trig review has taken the same pattern for every single lesson. First, I start studying the thing  and it makes sense. Then I try to work it through and find that I have absolutely no idea what anything is. Then I really start to worry that my attempt at Calculus will end before it actually begins. Then I bang my head against the materials for a while and kinda start to get how to use it. Then something bonkers happens and the abstract nonsense becomes extremely obvious and I feel a little dumb for not noticing it before. Then I do some practice problems, perform quite well on them, and feel unreasonably smart for it. Rinse, repeat.

The biggest revelation thus far has come from Radians, which I’m still not sure I 100% understand. I’m going to shove in a book definition: 

“One radian is defined as the angle at the center of a circle in a plane that is subtended by an arc whose length equals the radius of the circle.”

-some wikipedia-assed jazz (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radian)

I think this kinda makes sense when I picture a unit circle. Like, the radius is 1, definitionally, so the arc that matches this is also the length of 1. I think this might be how we arrive at π, because half of a circle’s circumference is a single π. Three lengths of 1 unit doesn’t quite make it around half, six lengths of 1 doesn’t quite make it around the whole circle, that’s what π is. π is the total number of radians, just over 3, that it takes to get around one half of the unit circle.

I’m still putting that together, but really, that one surface level idea, that half of a circle is a single π, completely opens up how to use Radians. 90° degrees is a quarter circle, and because we’re talking pi as a half circle, the 90° degree measure is actually just half. It’s half of half, right? So in radians, 90° degrees is pi/2. The 45°s are all multiples of pi/4. 60° degrees is a third of that top half, so three of those makes a full top half, so that’s a pi/3, and likewise, the 30° degree slice is a sixth of that top half, so it’s pi/6. So if you see 3pi/4, that’s three quarters of the top half, it’s 135° degrees. You dig?

One piece I’m having trouble with is a version of co-terminal angles. I get what one is, that’s cool. I get how you can start at one and then just add full revolutions to it to get another. It’s when the question starts with some high degree or radian and wants me to find a co-terminal in a specific range. I watched a video on it by Krista King today, and she sets it up like a multi-part problem, which I think I need to start using, because it makes perfect sense. She starts by setting up the revolutions as an algebraic problem, where:

= +  n * 2

And then an inequality where the range becomes the ends, so if it’s between the alpha and beta in:

< +  n * 2 <

This could really help me if I could just get it in my head and make it a part of my regular mathematical repertoire, so to speak. It needs to enter into my personal toolkit. I think I’m going to need to find some problems to solve with this.

Another piece that’s currently giving me a little trouble is that even though I can repeat and even logically understand that and how Cosine is my x and Sine is my y coordinate on a Cartesian plane, I keep mixing up the two when I go to do the work. 

I can also see now, quite plainly, that lacking these and a handful more basic understandings are exactly why I struggled so hard in my high school AP Calculus class. I barely grasped the notion of the Unit Circle, of a Limit, of the ways that you can take known, related functions and formulas, and combine them in novel ways to extract or derive your critical unknowns. Looking back, it’s a wonder I made it anywhere in that class. Hopefully, I’m building a stronger foundation of knowledge and practical use, so that when I hit the point of needing to just have these, I just might have a chance.

I want to back up and chat about that one that clicked with me the other day some more, because it’s fantastic. So you may have seen some version of the wheels below – the first comes from a free cheat-sheet (https://tutorial.math.lamar.edu/Extras/CheatSheets_Tables.aspx#TrigSheet) on Paul’s Online Notes (https://tutorial.math.lamar.edu/), which is a great math resource. The second comes from the reading materials from the Modern States Precalculus course, which I think you need a login to see, but here’s the link anyway (https://learn.modernstates.org/content/enforced/6898-Precalculus-2025-Lumi/docs/reading/unit-3/Precalculus_3_1_2R.pdf?ou=6898). These are pictures of the Unit Circle, or a circle depicted on the Cartesian Coordinate Plane – the typical XY graph we were introduced to in high school math. This circle has a radius of 1, meaning that at x = 0, the circle intersects the y-axis at 1 and -1, and when y = 0, it intersects with 1 and -1 on the x-axis. In between each of these, the circle still has a radius of 1 (because it’s a circle), and the x + y still have to add up to reflect that. Look at the 45° angle. The related numbers on the wheels show you what the x and y coordinates of this angle do that, and also show the same degree measurement expressed in the radian measurement. This might be obvious to others, but I’ve needed to think about it for like, two weeks, and it’s finally become clear. A 45° angle is half of a 90° angle, which itself is half of the 180° angle, which itself is half of the whole circle, 360°. In radians, a circle is 2π. So working backwards, half of that is π, half of that is π/2, and half of that is π/4. If you want to make a half circle from 45° angles, it would take 4 of them. So a 45° angle is a quarter of a half circle, and since a half circle, in radians, is π, it actually makes perfect sense that 45° is exactly ¼ of π, which means π * ¼, or π/4. Man, that was a long walk, but I did finally get there.

This is further bolstered by the conversion formula, which uses π/180° to move from degree to radians and using the inverse to get back again – a single π is 180°, as a ratio, or 180° degrees is a single π. 

But the biggest extraction from this is when remembering that the Unit Circle has a radius of 1 unit, and that making right-triangles isn’t arbitrary, but rather a way of figuring out the coordinates on the plane of where the terminal ray intersects with the circumference of the circle. We can do this because our mathematical forebears figured out how to work out ratios of right triangles, and then figured out how to do it just off of the angles, and a right triangle built-in gives you one of three angles. Those three angles must add up to 180°, and the right angle means we can subtract 90° right away, leaving only a total of 90° between the remaining two angles! This shit is magic! Also, because of those ratios that we know, because we’ve figured out the whole Pythagorean of it all, AND because we KNOW that in the Unit Circle, the hypotenuse is and is always a length of 1, we know that a π/4 or 45° angle MUST have equal length sides, 1 = x² + y², or 1 = 2x², so ½ = x², and then you got your 2/2, after you rationalize the denominator. I’ve not yet internalized the coordinates of the 30°s and 60°s, it’s ½ and 3/2, which I think I’d do better with if I had a more visual understanding of square roots.

I say this because visualizing the angles as geometric and not as arithmetic have really helped me here. It’s like, if you know that 45° is a quarter of the half-pie, that pi is half a pie, that π/4 is a quarter of our  base unit, then it means that four of these things fills that top half when moving in the positive directions (counter-clockwise) in standard position, so if you see a  5π/4, that means you already know where this is, because 4 quarters is 1, so this is one more quarter past that filled in top half! AAAAAHHH!!! Why didn’t I see this earlier?!?

Alright, anyway, I gotta mentally circle this thought a few more zillion times and then explode and think that I’m brilliant.

I’m gunna dig out my various text books and systematically run through the practice problems forwards and backwards until it makes me sick. I have to nail this thing.

The plan is in motion, the projects are falling in line, and for some reason my neck hurts. Why? I’ve done nothing.

Follow-ups: I did most of what was planned last week and then some, nothing got weird or crazy, and things seem good. Well, I could use some more practice. In everything, really. That was an item from last week, to get in practice in a few areas. I did that, and it was good. But I need more. Next up, I was meant to finish my enrollment to my local community college, and I did that, too. I went there in person, checked out some of the campus, though not much. I had a chat with someone there as well about my next steps. Those steps seem to be about placement, either in the form of tests for Math and English or from the school reviewing my transcripts. I’d love to not take placement tests, so I went looking for transcripts. I’m not sure if they’ll help, and I’m not sure I’ve gotten everywhere that I might have some credits, but I did what I could to get what I know about sent to my school. I’m not sure about my SAT scores. I took that test back in the early 2000s, I think, but I don’t think my scores were very good. I don’t think they were terrible, but I doubt they’d be much help at this point, and I think the only real help I might have is if the school takes my online course credits. Which they still might not. Fingers crossed.

I made almost no progress on the app. I have some project time carved out in my updated routine, but I’ve been using it the last few days to focus on working on it… the routine, that is. As of now, I’m planning on using that time tomorrow and Thursday to get in some good coding. I’d also like to make some more progress on a few of the other projects that I’ve been neglecting, because in a few months, I’m likely to need to shelve them all. Then again, that’s not for certain, and it may be that I’d rather spend the time on studies now, and having some outlets later. I don’t know, a lot to think about. But the plan to make a plan did go through, it’s mostly finished, I’ve already started implementing, and it’s already started helping. That might be the biggest win.

Fitness: No health updates this week, and I’ll try to keep the fitness quick. I’ve been more on my plan for the past few weeks, partially due to the aforementioned routine update. I’m still not quite nailing it. It’s Tuesday as I’m writing this, which isn’t enough to say how this particular week is going, but I can say that I’ve at least had a strong start. I’ve hit my walks, done a run, and did both planned strength training sessions so far. Oh, I did finally check if I could get that pull-up bar to work for me in my closet, and I can! I don’t even need to remove the door to do it! But also, I discovered that I am not yet capable of doing one single pull-up. Oh well, I guess I should have expected that. After all, it has been like 15 years since I last did, and also, I do weight just shy of 250 lbs. That’s kind of a lot, you know? To lift? So I’m going to look into what I can do to strengthen and condition the muscles involved, so I can work my way back up while continuing to slim down.

I have been a little bummed at being seemingly stuck at around 245, which is where I’m at right now. But in reviewing my logs, I had actually briefly crept back up over 250 for a short while, so I’m not actually stuck. I’m picking up that winter slack. That combination of a slightly lazy winter and the medication debacle really did a number on me, so it follows that it would be a pain in the ass to retread those waters. This does give more thoughts to something I’d mentioned as well, the idea of leaning into some more seasonal living. That still seems like a good plan, but whatever I do, I need to make sure I’m always keeping up on my basic fitness. It’s just not worth slacking off too hard or too long.

Academics: I’m back to making progress here, too. The Trig stuff is finally starting to make more sense to me. I’ve started to be able to pick out some of the angles that come up regularly. I’ve made some connections in my head, and that’s been helping a lot, too, like associating the radians with the appropriate degrees, and knowing what the sine and cosine of those common angles are. I still don’t have it locked in, and I really don’t think that flashcards are for me. I think my version of spaced repetition, at least as far as math is concerned, is to just keep doing math, and to have that practice include revisits of stuff I’ve come across before. And to that, I was planning on making another math check-in when I got further into Trig, but… I don’t know, maybe I’ll whip something up a little sooner. That last one ended up being a nice little review while writing it, so it might be a good idea to use that as a way to organize my thoughts so far, and try to restate what I think I’ve learned and check that I have it correct.

What I would really like to do is get in another class or two between now and my first day of school, but I think that might be outside of possible. My current study path is following courses with credits, so I suppose it’s possible. But as of now, the plan is still to just use these classes as primers for the actual school.

One project that I need to be more serious about because it’s directly related to my school pursuits is finances. Specifically and most immediately, to make sure I’ve got the plan to pay for my first semester all buttoned up. I got an email that, I think, is directing me to follow up on that FAFSA I filled out so I can get financial aide. I also need to finish my exploration into possible scholarships and grants. I still think I’m past due for the upcoming semester, but I need to check either way. If not, then that could be a possible boon. And I gotta get that money. If so, then it’ll be a good jump start for the next semester’s deadlines.

Music: I’ve got more progress to talk about, so now to my musical pursuits. I think I’ve worked out my practice routine. Finally. Hang on a sec, have I talked about this stupid thing my friends and I are doing? I should, ’cause this dumb shit is great. But not today. The reason I bring it up now is because I’ve decided that music is going into my regular routine. It shares ground with my need to improve my social skills & maintain my strong social connections, as well as working on my overall musical skills, especially to try and finally get good at that guitar that I’ve been noodling with for over 20 years. There are skills and areas of understanding that I’ve been putting off for years and years. The biggest gaps?

• I can’t play a song by ear
• I don’t know progressions
• I have a limited musical vocabulary (like licks, riffs, chords – the doing, not the terminology)
• I got basically no theory background
• I forget songs that I used to know and can barely retain new ones between sessions

If I’m going to be in a band, which it does seem that I am, I’m just gunna need to bone up on this shit. So I need to stop flailing about and start practicing again. Critically this time, that practice needs to be just as structured and intentional as my exercise and academic studies. Like my social life, I don’t know that this is going to be a regular check-in on the blog, but I want to point out where I am now, even if briefly, so I can see if I’ve made some progress as I go. Maybe one of these weeks I’ll make a more detailed, specific accounting of my current stance, but for now, let’s just say that I can play the thing, but I’m not very good at it. I have some pretty good mechanics, but I really need to fill in my theory and general musicianship.

Social Life: Second week in a row with this subject, but I still don’t expect it to be a regular. I have one hitch worth mentioning, which is that I keep having weekends where I’m up just way too late, and I’m finding it difficult to recover from it. It’s not the worst problem, I’ve enjoyed the weekends. Saturday is the toughest, which has regularly ended in a hang focused on board and card games, which whips. I love games of all kinds, and I especially love playing with other people that can really engage with the games, enjoy them, and take them just serious enough without going overboard. But even when the games don’t keep me up too late, I end up in conversations that do. That’s also not a complaint, the conversations are fun and touch on stuff I like to chat about, and I don’t really want to leave them. And then, whoops, it’s 2 in the morning. I don’t know, it’s not the worst problem to have, and I suspect the actual fix is to just get used to it. Or reinstate my hard, “comin’ up on bedtime, I gotta dip” policy… but that’s no fun.

I’ve had some other thoughts as I’ve been developing other new relationships and fixing up my existing ones. In previous months, I’d bemoaned my lack of relationships with women, both romantically and otherwise. Romance is still far off, but as I’ve opened up to and developed more friendships, I’m back in the headspace where a lot of that feels silly again. It’s not hard, but also, I can completely understand why it felt so hard. I can still feel that complete and utter despair that followed the destruction of my ego and confidence that put me in that funk. It’s tough stuff, y’all. And I’ve still got stuff I need to work out, though some of that is more general anxiety. I’ve got a couple of movies that I want to see that are in theaters right now, and I can handle/justify the cost and time, but then there’s the social dilemma – do I go alone? Do I invite someone? Who do I invite? And how do you invite a friend to the movies as an adult? Is it weird, or am I weird for feeling like it’s weird?

I don’t know, I guess it’s not the biggest priority, but I’ve got stuff that I’d like to get up to where I’d like to bring a friend or two, but not more. So I should probably figure this out before too long.

Next Time: I guess the big thing is to just see how the updated routine is going. I think it’s still too early to expect much more movement on my weight, but I can at least see if I’m sticking to the fitness routine. Likewise, I’d like to check in on how the studies, music practice, and everything else is going. I’d like to use the framework of a routine to start making some of my wants and pursuits a bit more automatic and expected. When I do stuff like that, things just sort of fall into place, you know? I’m not sure that can really happen in this upcoming phase of my life, but I know it won’t if I don’t try.

I’ve gotten next to nothing done today, nursing… what do I call this? I’d have to drink to be hungover, which I don’t anymore, but I’m something. I was up way too late for like, three or four days in a row, and I am just so wrecked by it. Whatever, let’s get into it.

Follow-ups: Last week, I stated that I needed to hurry up and enroll in school. I have now done that, which it turns out was super easy online. I now need to go in person to complete it, which should be pretty easy. I may do that tomorrow. I also had those medical appointments, and if I had anything worth saying from them, I’d put it in the health and fitness updates, but I don’t. Things are on track, which I should say, is good news. But it was expected. I didn’t look at much more on game development, because I decided that I need to stay focused on my current projects until they are complete or at least significantly further along. I slapped down that post on some math last week, which was cathartic, and started writing some of those book thoughts. I think that’s about all of the follow-ups? Let’s move on.

Health / Fitness: As stated in the follow-ups, I don’t have anything special to report on health. Stay the course. I was a little lax on fitness, but not terrible. I continue to find that having pumped up my fiber and protein intake, I am actually finding difficult to cram that much food into me. This does add some personal experience to my own growing body of knowledge on just how insidious our modern food system has become, but it’s just fuckin’ nuts how many calories I can stuff in me when it’s all typical American fair, heavy on empty carbs and the least filling fats, when compared to eating just a little more targeted at whole foods. Anyway, I need to start doing more full body, functional exercises, and make sure I’m more consistently getting in my daily walks and stuff.

Academics: Not enough academics last week. I got in some study time on Trig, and it was good. I did make some progress, especially towards grasping concepts. But it’s not enough, and I need to get into some problems and spend a lot more time in them. In fairness, this last week was fairly social, and the end of this week is going to be as well. But I still could have found more time. The same goes for my coding project. My little mobile app is working, I’ve got my dev environment and ecosystem set up, and I’ve got my next steps in the project outlined. I’m also taking my music practice more seriously, but I struggled really hard to find purchase on just what to practice last week. I have a better grasp on that today, but I need to make a plan and execute on it. I should make a list, update my task boards, and get on it. But that’s it, I didn’t spend enough time on anything last week, so this week I need to spend some real time on Trig, coding my app, and practicing that guitar.

I DID get in some really good reading, including finishing a couple of books. I also got in a fair bit of side research on some other ongoing projects, though that time would have been better spent on the main subjects. I also got in a smidge of soldering practice, which was great. However, under the guise of needing to be precise, I found the convenient excuse of “oh, I should get some tweezers” to keep me from finishing that project. Well, I guess it wasn’t a total wash of a week, it was maybe even alright. But I still need to get more done this week.

Social Life: Alright, I’m going to have a specific social section today, because it’s worth mentioning. Probably not next week, but we’ll see. I think I’ve mentioned before that I wanted to start thinking of my social problems as being skills that I’ve neglected, which I think is quite true, and that I need to start working at improving them. I’ve been doing that, and I think it’s been paying off. I complained a bit last week, which I don’t feel great about because it highlighted the wrong parts of the whole week, that I had some missteps. I disagree with Past Aaron – I think I did pretty well at that party. Not flawless, and I do still think I sorta cornered that woman a little, which invited others to do the same and prolong the situation… but not as bad as I was worried, maybe not bad at all. I’m definitely thinking about it too much, but also, it was super rad to get a bunch of laughs out of her, and some were real good ones. But timing on grabbing and keeping someone’s attention is something I can be more mindful going forward. Otherwise, I think I was engaging with everyone pretty well, and I was maybe even a little bit charming. Besides, I didn’t mention all of the other practice I got, and I got a bunch!

In fact, over the past few months, I’ve made it a point to attend as many social functions as I physically can (adjusting for my social burn out). Each time, I’ve pushed myself to avoid finding a corner for myself to wilt into, and instead tried to engage in some conversation with someone new to me or that I haven’t chatted with in a while. I still need work on these skills, but I’m getting better. I’m looking at the extremely socially intimidating situation of going back to school in my 40s and feeling pretty anxious about all of it, but things are improving. I am still worried about being the old guy and also starting to get worried that I’ll be loud and too much. But I’m less worried that I’ll stick out like a sore thumb and be immediately shunned for daring to be an old guy at a young person’s thing. The practice is helping. The only way to do it is to do it, right?

My niece is going to have a party for her graduation on Friday, and it’s like… somewhere with a name? And I think there’s going to be a band? I need to figure out what kind of an event this is so I can be a smidge more appropriately dressed. Not that I did poorly at the graduation ceremony, my polo and chinos outfit was fine. But it would have been appropriate to wear a sport coat or blazer, which is something I never get the chance to do. I could use a bit of practice there, too.

Next Time: I’ll have to report back on just what I actually get done this week. Today was a real wash, so I’ve gotta step things up. I should make a specific thing to report back on, let’s see… Okay, at the end of this week, I’ll have finished the in person portion of the school enrollment. I need to make some progress on my Precalc study and work on my app, but I’m not really sure what that should be. On the app, I should comfortably be done with my V1 stretch and get started on adding the next set of features. I need to feel more comfortable with these early sections of Trig, so let’s find time to do 20 problems on it, yeah? I need to practice guitar, so let’s say a minimum of 60 minutes, something like 3 sessions of 20 minutes (or however I get it in), and at least 5 cardio sessions and 3 strength training sessions. Finally, I need to get my baseline plan reset for the current plans, so let’s have a basic plan scratched out and setup something on my whiteboard.

Okay, there we go. And now I’m going to fuck off for the night. Until next time, y’all.