It’s Friday and I feel like writing about stuff. Not a story or theme, just a bunch of little things.
I still can’t seem to get under 250 and it’s kinda driving me crazy. Yes, this is a weight loss complaint. There are a few possibilities and my guess at the two most likely are on opposite ends of upsetting. One is that I’m still overeating and under exercising. I don’t see how. I’ve been pretty good at tracking my calories, usually coming in below my target. I’ve also been getting that exercise in, rarely skipping, occasionally getting in extra. But whatever, it’s possible, maybe I’m sleep eating. The other likely possibility reads like some hard-internet-ass-cope, that I’m both losing and gaining at the same time. The loss is the fat and the gain is some muscle. Muscle takes more calories to maintain than fat, so that should speed up my weight loss. I don’t know, it really feels like some wishful thinking. My frustration over this is that I don’t know what, if anything, I can do with this knowledge. I’d add more exercise, but I’m still much weaker than I used to be, and I’m not getting any younger. I can cut a few more calories, but that’s it. I’m already hungry all the time.
I turned in my English Comp. personal narrative essay. It was the second attempt and I was still not totally sure about things, and figured another round of teacher feedback would be great. Well, it turns out you only get two attempts on these, so that was it. And that’s not great, because even though my writing seems much improved, I deeply veered off theme with my thesis. So… that’s not great. But I can learn, slow as I may be. So I’m going to roll up some more good advice to approach the next one. The most relevant advice sticking out now is to start with a plan already setup for the topic/theme and write around that. Basically, it’s time to actually work with the tools available. I think that means my plan is to pick my topic, write my theme, and construct an outline around that. The paper is supposed to be a persuasive letter, so another thing that I don’t really have any desire to write about. I read all of the materials available, including examples, and I’ve got nothing. The only things on my mind that I want to persuade anyone of are way too big. My immediate ideas outside of those are all really trite and I just can’t get excited to write about them. Convince someone to read a book? I guess man, I just don’t care. So it seems like I’ll have to just convince myself I care. I don’t love it.
To continue on writing, I talked about wanting to wrap up some fiction writing and send to a few friends whom had expressed interest. I did that, both of that. I finished the story part, put it in a google doc, and texted the link to my friends. That was Tuesday. It is Friday. They have not replied. And now I remember how I became a lonely hermit.
I used to have a bunch of little friend groups. With my recent problems, I’ve had to end almost all friendships except from this one group that’s mostly made up of close friends from high school. I can’t deal with the others, they just aren’t safe for me anymore. This one is still good, but I think I’m trying to get things out of it that just aren’t there. So I think I now need to do the thing I dream the absolute most, be social with strangers. I need to make new friends, specifically friends that both share my unfulfilled interests and also will participate with me in them.
I’ve got a few projects that I want to undertake, and I’m really thinking about a few of them. Once I think I can turn into a product, and since business is the only thing respected in this shit country, I feel increasingly compelled to do a business. So if I can make this thing and turn it into a product, I can have a business, and that’s that. But the process of turning it into a product means I either have to learn everything from design and manufacturing to finance and marketing. Some of those parts, I actually really do want to learn, and I’m game to learn stuff I don’t care for if it supports the things that I do. I mean, that’s a big part of the school stuff I’m doing right now. But doing so does probably I either need to put the other school stuff on hold, or I need to find more time… and that’s another area that I just don’t have much more to trim.
Looks like I haven’t put in enough work on that brevity problem. I was planning to just do a bunch of little paragraphs, but them paragraphs ain’t lookin’ little. So let’s wrap up for today. I should really make a list of this shit… did I already make a list of this shit?