I just put a lot of meat in my mouth

But it’s not what you’re thinking.  You see, a bunch of chums and I went to Fogo de Chao andsucked a bunch of cocks enjoyed delicious beef, lamb, pork, chicken, and the non-green parts of the “salad” bar.  It was glorious, and I definitely got my money’s worth, but I wish I’d had enough room for a few other items.  I wasn’t very strategic in this visit.  I wanted to try the little lamb chops and the bacon-wrapped pork.  I had them in the D.C. location, and they were so-so.  Just too salty, and I like salty.  We went to the Baltimore Fogo this time, and I wanted to see if there was a difference.  However, I was stuffed by the time I even saw the chops and never spotted any pork other than the ribs.  Oh well, it’s not like it’s a real problem.  That’s a bullshit middle-class problem.  Anyway, the visit was fantastic and now my insides are stewing and preparing to murder my toilet.

A toilet which, by the by, has a broken toilet seat.  Oddly enough, it isn’t broken because I’m a fat piece of shit (though I am one).  It’s broken because I was trying to do too many things at one time and dropped some heavy-assed shit from about ceiling level directly on-top of it.  It’s just a crack, but it’s unsightly and I’m afraid it will pinch my soft, supple bottom.  I will replace it, but not today.  Too much meat in me (HA!).  I’ve also become fed up with the ol’ jiggle-the-handle-game to keep it from running, so I’m going to replace the toilet’s guts.  I’ve been shopping around and found that those double-flush flappers are pretty cheap.  I think they’re called double-flush flappers, I really don’t know.  They seem smartly efficient.  One button for a light flush, one for heavy, and sturdy looking parts.  No stupid-ass chain.

tl;dr – Pricey meat, toilet troubles, fuck your flapper.

New car still pending.

Just for wanks and jeckles, let’s have us a little game that I stole from radio shows.  I’ve heard it called many things, but most recently “Rock Busters” by my favorite buffoon on the internets.  Three bands, one simple clue each.  Just guess the bands.

Example – “A number of women in a furious mood” = “Violent Femmes”

Email your answers to aaron@aaronsnotes.com – first to get all three (or whoever I feel like) wins a prize.  I don’t know the prize yet, and it might just be a rape you thank you note or some original and poorly drawn arts havings.

Name That Band!!!

1.  THE + LaVare Burton refused to go by “Toby”

2.  Official ruler of the United Kingdom

3.  Bound Fairy Tale Protagonist

Just had a thought

“Marriage is a lot like a bottle of tubas.  It just doesn’t make any damned sense.” ~Aaron

(p.s. I’ve never been married.)

I can’t believe any woman still touches my junk…

I just saw a picture of myself that someone tagged on those facebookings.  I am a fat-fucking-mess.  Technically, I’m down 30 lbs.  I say “technically” because I’m down from that couple months I went REAL unhealthy and ballooned to three bills.  Fuckin’ gross.  And don’t think loosing that 30 was a miracle.  I was just too fattened on junk food and booze that my body couldn’t retain the weight.

So from biggest to smallest, here are my main problems (and what I’ve done to fix it):

  1. The Booze.  I’m about 50% fixed on my over-use of the creature, but it just shows me how way-the-fuck-too-much I have been drinking in the past.  I’ve put myself on booze probation, starting with one week.
  2. Inconsistent Exercise.  I’ve mostly remedied this, but I need to add something on weekends and cut skip days.
  3. Junk Food.  This is almost entirely out, but hasn’t been my greatest problem, ever.  I don’t have a sweet tooth.  In fact, the main food problem I have is portion control.  But that’s getting fixed.

That’s about it.  I think I’ve mentioned this before, but there it is again.  The real thing is that I am not only amazed that any woman still lets me bang them, but I’ve started to lose my nerve and tenacity to try and get a woman.  My tits need to be smaller than the ladies I dig, and a lot of them are small chested.  Anyway, here’s a picture from my birthday:

I picked up great grilling food and don’t have a grill

See the thing is… no wait, that’s just about it.  Well alright… let’s… something else.

Right, I’m a slutty skank that likes some strange whenever he can get it.  I’ve actually been a bit hornier then normal, which has made most of my home interneting craigslist and hook-up site oriented.  On that note, my subscription to onlinebootycall.com – a website of note – has run out.  They are offering me some insane deals to sign back up.  There’s even an insane lifetime subscription, which I’ve been thinking about a lot.  However, I think I’m going to check out a new site.  It’s something like xxxcupid or something stupid like that.  Actually, I think it’s just another skin for a dating/hook-up site database.  Turns out that’s pretty common.

I was talking about this earlier today, actually.  I’m guessing people reading this are familiar with jdate.com.  If not, it’s a dating site set up specifically for Jewish perspective daters.  By the way, what the fuck says “Modern Bigotry” more than a website that is only for your race, religion, or culture?  Anyway, those sites started popping up all over the place.  There is at least one for every race, one for every culture, one for every religion, one for every major metro and a few small markets.  Then there are a few for specific goals but not specific profiles, which I think is better – more on that later.  Well, the awesome thing is that a lot of these sites got bought up by various internet moguls and companies.  Those entities took the member databases from each site they bought and crammed them into one big database which they then use for every site.  The good companies will build in some background options that keep appropriate profiles where they belong (only people who chose Jewish as their religion end up on jdate).  Other companies don’t differentiate.  The website is just a skin for the database.  The users have to find what they want through search options.  Think about that for a minute.  It’s a great real-life joke.

Anyway, I think this xxxcupid is one of those “skin sites”, along with another website I’ve been checking out.  That, however, doesn’t bother me at all.  I guess if I was a bigot that only wanted to date white South African Episcopalians that immigrated to the US from Brazil, I might get pretty pissed if I sign up for WSAEdate.com and some actual Brazilians where on there.  What the crap was I saying?  Right.  It’s not a problem for me.  In fact, it really just means a bigger database.  The only problem is when they have wildly different goals – a problem with the fling.com network.  Fling.com is kind of a naughtier dating site.  I forget if this is true, but I think it’s linked somehow to match.com… not sure about that one, but that site is a more serious dating site – no naughty.  To make it an even worse collection of profiles, I happen to know for sure that fling.com directly shares a database with seekbang.com.  In case the name didn’t spell it out for you, seekbang.com is billed entirely as a hook-up site.  That’s not at all dating.  Not to say that people looking to date don’t show up on hook-up sites.  I mean, there are people looking for friends on a fucking website calledonlinebootycall.com.  Cunts.  The only real problem with the site is that you end up treading lightly with most chicks.  You’re not sure why they are there but you want a chance regardless.  Plus, you can’t be sure that someone you know offline is checking out dating sites but sees you naked holding your cock.  By the by, I never put nudes up.  I don’t think I would ever if I was in great shape and had a monster wang.  But you know… gotta keep my “What I’m Looking For” section clean.  I can’t say, “I wanna buckfuck you while my pet monkey snorts bumps off some homeless girl we fo…” and so on.

To wrap this up, I think I’m getting hornier because I’m getting my testosterone closer to normal again.  Mostly because I’ve been getting more sun and I’ve been exercising more regularly.

TL;DR – Booty-butts and gimme some.


I need a new routine

My weight has jumped around quite a bit for the last few years.  More or less, I could categorize myself as “fat ass”.  I think I may have capped 300 lbs at some point, but I’ve hovered around 260 for since January.  I’m not happy about it, but I’m mobile and not yet disgusting.  Anyway, there are two main problems.  Neither is food, but there is definitely room for improvement in my diet.  Problem one is booze, and I’ll hold onto talking about that gem until I can better put things into words.  Here’s the preview – I’ve cut down a lot, but still drink too much, and it’s dicking up my health progress.  Now that I have cut down as much as I have, my moobs are going down a bit.  Rad.

The other problem is that I can’t keep consistent enough with my exercise.  I’ve realized the biggest reason with that is likely my PTSD and anxiety.  I have a membership to a great gym but rarely go.  I hate going.  There are too many people at all hours.  The good looking people look too good and the gross people smell terrible.  Also, the pool is too busy.

When I work out, I have one of two modes.  Mode One – maintenance.  I just gotta get in a minimum.  I need 15 – 30 minutes to get my heart pumping and keep in practice.  Mode Two – masochist.  I bust my effing balls so I have just enough energy to grab the next meal and collapse on my couch.  I love Mode Two.  Those sessions make me feel great.  Alive.  Like a man.  Something else should go here.  Mode Two is hard to do in a second floor condo.  I also get really self conscience about those sessions in public – more so now that I’m fat.  Noone wants to see a fat, hairy, sweaty guy swinging his sausage legs around, bending, and thrusting.  Add in the grunting and it’s a nightmare.  I do get the occasional run on a path out back, but not as much as I should.  I really need to either force myself to catch those runs at least three times a week, or I need an aerobic alternative in my home.  This is why I want a bike with one of those trainer-prop things.

Well, I’ve been doing a lot of the Mode One lately, and it’s really just keeping me alive.  I really gotta start doing the Mode Two sessions more often.  Or develop a middle of the road session that I do almost all the time.  Really, I need to get to bed and up in the morning earlier.  For eff sakes, I used to be in effing charge of the PT sessions in Squadron!  I need a new routine that gets me up in the bright and early before work, gets all my eating in before 8:00 PM, and puts my head on the pillow well before midnight.

So my aim is to hit 200 lbs., give or take.  I’d like to be at around 190ish by the end of 2011.  That’s plenty of time, if I could just stay on track.  I feel like I’m rambling.  Whatever, I’ll just post this thing.  Penis.

I need a new beard trimmer.

I need a new beard trimmer.  Well, I guess I don’t need one, but I’ve grown accustom to having one.  I guess that means I get it in divorce?  Mine is a few years old and just not working right.  Actually, it stopped working perfectly around a few months after it was new – which was likely because it was my first, and I had no idea that you need to care for them.  I usually take good care of my things, but guess I had no idea how to take care of an electric beard trimmer.  Or maybe it’s just shitty.  Either way, it ain’t gettin’ it done anymore.  In fact, it’s starting to do more trouble than worth.  The blades get all stopped up and suck.

What I really want is an olde-fashioned straight razor and one of those silly-tiny mustache scissors.  Unfortunately, quality razors start at around $50.  That’s really the low end.  Thereally good stuff is like two-hundred bones.  But let’s say I find one for $60.  On top of that, I need a strop (about $25) and stop power or paste (about $6).  Shaving soap, soap dish, and brush are more or less optional (as I could just use regular shaving cream), but I’d want the real stuff.  I have a sharpening stone, but I guess I’d eventually pick up one that’s meant for straight razors.  There’s still more stuff, but the point is that I don’t want to drop $150+ a part of grooming that I’ve already got covered.  Then again, a good straight razor lasts for life.  You never need new blades.  Crap, I’m talking myself into it.

What I really wanted to write about is something that I noticed while cleaning up my beard this morning.  Cleaning it up, I should mention, to a perfect “three day shave” with a chin puff and soul patch.  When you’re doing precision grooming, you tend to get right-up-on the mirror.  I noticed a particular chin-whisker that looks a lot lighter than blonde.  I think it might be grey or white.  This isn’t something of distress for me.  It’s not the first grey-ish hair I’ve found, though it is the first I’ve noticed in my beard.  It’s not a big concern.  In fact, I not only came to terms with the inevitability of going grey early, I’ve actually started looking forward to it.  My dad’s hair went grey young, and I always thought it was a cool look.  At some point he started dying it, and I thought it looked strange.  He doesn’t dye his hair anymore, and it looks a lot better.  I can’t tell if my rouge whisker is actually grey just yet, so I’ll keep an eye on it.  Really, the part I’m not prepared for is the idea that my beard goes grey before my hair.  That seems strange to me.  What I really wonder about is how people feel about going grey.  What percentage of ladies dig the grey look?  How do most guys feel about going grey?  Can I cast magiks if I have a grey beard?  I have no answer.  Only questions.

Let’s “Blog” Something on My Blog.

It has been a month since I have updated this blog.  A fucking month.  I have no excuse.  I have been neither too busy to post nor too un-busy to have anything worth posting.  Here’s the run-down of things I did but can’t remember well enough to talk about:

  • I’ve been to a party or two.
  • Hooked up a chick I’ve been trying to hook up with for a good while.
  • Watched a great UFC match with some friends.
  • Purchased a male masturbator (more when I’ve given it a whirl).
  • Had a “no-sober” weekend… that was rough.  Can’t do that again.
  • Have been setting up for a new “season” of 3 Guys.
  • Got shot-down by an ugly chick.
  • Cooked some great food.

Today is a day that should be perfect.  It’s beautiful outside.  The sun is out, the birds are chirping, it’s warm but not shitty-hot, and whatever pollen that has ruined my Spring experience isn’t present.  I even woke up and got into work on time today, which I’ve been having problems with this month (another thing I blame the pollen for).  Unfortunately, all of the good this day should entail is completely ruined.  Some dick almost caused an accident on my way in, an idiot from another department can’t except that there’s a problem only she can fix, and to top it all off I’m stuck in one of the least productive web-meetings that I have even been a part of.  It’s been 49 minutes now, and I’ve learned nothing.  To the defense of the presenter, the main problem is that every manager pipes in after about three seconds to ask a question that some other manager already asked.  What a fuck.

Anyway, I promised a lot of posts.  Most of them are half-written.  The main problem is that I’m just not a writer.  I get by alright, but that’s because I’m a thinker and a check-your-work…er.  It’s not really a big deal though, as this blog doesn’t get many daily hits.  It’s really just for me.  It’s borderline a LiveJournal.  Clearly, this makes me a teenage emo chick.  I wonder if that gives me an excuse to hang out with other teenage emo chicks.

Oh, and I need to read a book for work.  I don’t need to, but it will look good if I do, and it’s supposed to be helpful.  It’s a short book, so I should just knock that out this weekend.  Poop.  From a butt.

Fuck, this meeting sucks.

Guess what I just saw.

I saw a big-ass garbage truck this morning, turning right.  Guess what it didn’t do.  It didn’t swing wide.  So if a big-ass garbage truck doesn’t need to swing wide at that turn WHY THE FUCK ARE CIVICS?!?

I’m going to have to change my hosting or something.  Actually, I don’t think it’s the hosting.  Hosting wise, godaddy is doing a pretty good job and the price isn’t bad.  The problem is with their blogging suite.  This isn’t entirely their fault – I’m using the freebie version that came with my hosting deal.  However, even with the paid site upgrade, it still isn’t great.  As such, I think I’ll try to keep my hosting with godaddy and either setup a blog myself or do like blogstop or something.

You know what?  I’m not posting as much as I said I would.  And I have a bunch of half-written posts.  I should clear those up.  Coming soon – the disconnect between travel mugs and cup holders.  Later – boobs.

I need to buy a new car

I need a new car.  I really do.  I’ve actually been thinking about it for over a year, maybe two.  With big purchases, I like to take my time, but I’ve taken an extra-long time this time.  Let’s see if I can say “time” a few more times.  It’s a smaller investment than a home, but it’s kinda more important to me.  My lifestyle really requires that I have my own transportation.  Even more, a car represents something for me.  I’m not sure what exactly, so I’ll just say, “freedom”.  It’s probably that or some other dumb shit.  Time.

Anyway, it’s actually gotta happen soon.  I’m so fuckin’ sick of my Jeep at this point that I’d like to push it into a river.  But I’m still cautious about this.  When I’m getting ready for something like this, I do two things.  I make a “hit list” and I compare my options.  Let me show you.

The Hit List:

I think most people have a running list of features they require from their next purchase, I just put that list down on paper.  I basically just make a top 10 of things I really want.  It’s not always 10, but whatever.  I really just start listing stuff that I’d like and then organize the list.  Obviously, the most important is closest to the top.  #1 is the top, in case you’re wondering.  I don’t know what asshole decided that #10 can be the most important or that you can count-up on a top ten list, but that’s fucktarded.  Count-down to #1 or shove it.  Anyway, I consider 1 – 4 as essential, 5 – 7 as nonessential but still important, and 8 – 10 as highly desired.  If the list spills over 10, everything else is usually stupid shit I want.

Here’s my list for my next car:

10.  “Cool” factor

9.  Trunk/Cargo space

8.  iPod or AUX port

7.  Recent model/year

6.  Low-ish Mileage

5.  High MPG

4.  Acceptable repair costs

3.  Insurance price

2.  In my price-range

1.  Reliability

And the spill-over (which I list in count-up order because who knows how many you’ll get):

11.  Sun roof/moon roof

12.  Warranty

13.  Can I have sex in it?

14.  GPS System would be nice

15.  Good cupholders.

Here’s a quick explanation about that list.  The “Cool” factor is low on the list because most of the best cars are really conservative and lame.  I really want a Mustang GT (super-cool) but they’re pricey, get bad mileage, costly repairs, and I’m not sure if they even have an AUX-In.  The AUX-In might seem kinda stupid, but my iPod has become pretty important to my day-to-day life.  I don’t have many CDs and if my future car has a CD player, no tape deck, and no AUX-In I’ll end up having to burn “mix-tape” CDs for myself.  Not looking forward to that.  Low gas mileage would be great, but could be trumped by other factors.  That actually feeds into the top 4.  I mean, keeping costs low is preferred and reliability is required.  This is actually the reason I don’t have any BMWs or Mercedes on my comparison list – though maybe I’ll drop a few in just to see.  Don’t get my wrong – they’re reliable.  Both companies make fantastically reliable cars that will last at least as long as a Nissian and almost as long as the fabled old, American pick-up truck.  However, when they break down, they break down hard and cost way too much.  Granted, it will be after 10 years of service, but I don’t think it swings in my price-range.

I don’t think sun roofs are very practical, but I kinda like them.  I don’t like them on sports cars, but that’s another story.  A warranty would be awesome, but I can’t put it in the top ten because some of the best deals are either with private sellers or out of state.  Being out of state doesn’t kill the warranty, but what I’d like out of the warranty is dealership maintenance/service without dealership price.  Having a GPS would fix a lot of problems I have on the road, but I’ve been driving for over ten years without so whatever.  Speaking of things I don’t need – I’m not saying that I’ll actually have sex in the car.  I’d like to, but first I have to find a chick that will do it with me.  Then I have to convince her to do it in the car.  And with gas prices these days, I’m not lookin’ to pay for it.  Yet.

And yeah, cupholders might seem stupid as all get-out, but if you’ve ever driven a car without them, you know.  Bad cupholders actually suck more.  They give you the illusion that you can safely transport a piping hot or frosty beverage without fussing.  If they’re too small, they’re useless.  You try to use the thing and end up driving with it either in your off hand or moistening your thighs.  If they’re too big, they’re worse than useless.  You think your drink is safe and you forget about it until your lap is covered in Baja Blast because it’s been sliding, sloshing, and tilting for the last twenty miles.  If one is great and the second sucks, the passenger is either stuck holding their drink or screwing over the driver.  But great cupholders – like those graduated ones with the extra notch for a coffee-mug handle – can double as a place to hold an iPod or cheeseburger while you wait for red light or long stretch.  Even more-so, crummy cupholders make a car’s interior feel like a rental car.  You want the interior to feel good.  You know what?  Interior should have been on my list.

TL;DR – Cool is good, cheap and reliable is great, better cupholders = more sex haves.  Wait, what?

I’ll talk about the cars I’m looking at in future posts, but for now I’ll just say that I’ve gone all types of technical about it.

Godaddy is fucking pissing me off.

Godaddy is pissing me off.  Here’s the deal – I love Godaddy’s registry.  It’s easy, rad, and inexpensive.  I fucking hate their hosting.  They have about half a dozen different choices, all of which seem perfectly reasonable.  The choice that I picked up for this blog was specifically to keep the “hosted for free on godaddy” banner off of the top.  It’s ugly and tacky.  If it was classy, I’d leave it up there even if I’d payed for it.  However, I have payed for this site.  I have payed Godaddy for this site, and specifically to for my ownership of this site sans their bullshit banner for one year.  However, at least once a week I have to jump through fucking hoops to remove that bullshit.  This is pissing me off so much, I’m contemplating lawsuit.  I’ll have to review the contract I’ve agreed to, which I downloaded before agreeing.  I’ll download a new one now.  I’ll compare it to the original with consideration to any changes they have officially conveyed to me.  I should have just renewed my fucking livejournal.