An awkward admission…

I am, and have been since high school, intimidated by the older sister of two friends.

I don’t mean that there are two women that intimidate me.  I mean that I have two friends who are brothers and they have an older sister that intimidates me.

I had a strange, shifty, offbeat conversation with a friend of mine (check her out – CampThunderBunny37) about the whole thing.  It’s weird.  I really shouldn’t have any reason what-so-ever to be intimidated by this woman, and yet I am.  Oh, and a woman she most definitely is.

Well… maybe I do have reason.  Let me think back through the conversation with my friend and, frankly, my life as a whole.

  • She’s older.
  • She has always seemed more worldly, even, somehow, after I had gone off and seen the world.
  • She’s got… curves.  Good curves.
  • She’s pretty.  Maybe more than pretty, but I’m not prepared to admit more than that opinion right now.
  • She’s tough.  At least she always seemed tough to me.
  • When first I met her, I was a high school boy and she was a college-assed-woman.
  • There is a fair chance that her shape has directed my personal preferences on the female body.
  • She’s sweet.  And caring.  And yet… snarky with a strange mean-streak.  Don’t ask me why or how, but this does something for me.
  • She seems to have “power”.  I don’t know what that means, either, so don’t ask me.  It just is.
  • She has said sexy things to me before.  She was probably the first person to admit what sex was in my life and to say sexy things around me.  I’m certain they weren’t directed at me or anything, but that doesn’t stop her from being my introduction into the idea that women can be sexual animals.  That concept has intrigued me ever since.
  •  She’s the first person, ever, that I felt like I couldn’t “bullshit” about sex related things.
  • She is, absolutely, the first woman since finding my footing in the bed that I didn’t think I could out-fox in bed.  I have felt this many times in my life but, even the very last time I saw her in person, I really felt like I would be found lacking.

Thankfully, the past few times that I have met her she was attached.  There was no reason for me to figure out if I should try to garner her attention.  I have no idea what her current relationship status is, but I hope it’s “married”.  If it’s anything else, I will likely continue to be intimidated, but if she’s married or engaged or some shit, I feel like that should take a shitlod of pressure off of me.

Here’s why it’s on my mind.  The older brother of my two friends from this family is having a party tomorrow night.  I want to go for a number of reasons.  Here’s the basics – I don’t feel like I support him enough, I want to hang out with my friends, I need to get out of the house more often, and I love good conversation and know I can find it there.

Here’s why I’m a-scared.  She might be there.  I might freeze.  Especially lately, as my old injuries seem to be affecting me in ways that I didn’t expect.  I really need to pick a replacement doctor and have a long chat about some stuffs, because I am very clearly busted.

tl;dr – I should probably man up and ask her out so I can get over this bullshit but that is incredibly unlikely.

This might be the stupidist post I have ever written.  Sorry about that.  Here’s what I have planned:

  • A controversial cheese stance
  • A playlist with a survey
  • HPV vaccines
  • Chatroulette
  • Craigslist via MFC
  • Salad dressings
  • Home Ec.

That’s all, yo.