I have a crick in my neck. I have a nasty crick in my neck. I may go to the doctor, it’s so bad.
How did I get a possible-doctor’s-visit-inducing crick in my neck? Moving around in my bed.
You read that right, I hurt myself moving around in my bed
Late Wednesday night, I was laying in bed doing my routine of trying to sleep and not doing very well at it. I have a tendency to roll around in my sleep. Roll around is probably a big understatement… I tend to trash a bit. I toss and turn and smash and thrust about. I spin on my shoulders and, apparently, pop around on my head. That’s what happened here. I popped up on my head, putting a significant amount of my weight on my neck. Then I heard some horrible rippy/crunchy sounds reminiscent of the ambient noise in Doom 2. The rest of my already injured body seized up and I dropped like the sack of red bliss potatoes that I presently look like.
I have had similar things happen in other regions of my shitbox body. Mostly arms and legs. Only once in my back. This is the first time in my neck. Arms and legs suck ass, but you can get around after busting them. But a twinge in the back and, as I’m learning now, in the neck can be a fucking show stopper. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, it sucks ass. Just turning my head is a fucking chore. I have to turn my whole body just to keep from crying like a bitch. Hurts like a motherfucker. Seriously, the only thing that has ever hurt more has to either be when I temporarily twisted my spin (it’s all better now) or when I found out that zippers aren’t the only natural enemies of the exposed junk.
When the typically rhetorical question, “Who wants to live forever?” is posed, I am confident in responding with the unexpected, “Me”. And yeah, I really do. I have reasons, which… I feel like I’ve already discussed, but I can’t seem to find the post. Maybe that will be a future thing. Either way, it seems like we are right on the verge of making something like that happen. And that’s great. But to the Imagineers that are making this possible, I might ask this first – could you please work out the painful effects of aging while you’re at it? Thanks.
tl;dr – Getting old means a simple spin in bed could end in a horrible injury. Fuck you, kids. You’re assholes who don’t appreciate what you have.
Full disclosure, I started writing this almost right after it happened. Couldn’t get back to sleep – you understand. It’s Friday morning now, and after taking some doctor-by-phone advice, I’m doing pretty good. I mean, my neck isn’t completely healed. However, at this point, it is less of an issue than my horrible sunburn and herpdoglips. So that’s that.
My Extended Bootycall Forecast: