I ordered some sex toys…

Yes.  I have ordered some sex toys.  They are due for delivery next week.  And I intend to use them.

In case you’re wondering, the answer is “kinda yes”.  I have been trying to figure out a way to have content on this blog of mines (or the conglomerate that I’ve been lazily lobbying for with friends and family brother) for every single day of the week.  I think I’m starting to narrow in on it.  It’s combination of figuring our what my current base of viewers want, what might be good for “the masses”, and what I enjoy enough to actually stick with.  Increasingly, I come across the same three things – booze, food, and sex.  Outside of societal issues, weird-fuck thoughts, and Science, I really only care about five things, and two of those five are private.  The other three are booze, food, and sex.

Call me shallow, I call myself “Human”.  I am organic, sentient life.  I require fun, sustenance, and procreation.  Those three requirements can be covered by booze, food, and sex.  Logically, that means that lots of other humans are also into booze, food, and sex, because they also require it, because they are also organic, sentient life.  Fun, sustenance, and procreation are not the only things we require.  Booze, food, and sex are not the only ways to fulfill those needs.  You are right about that.  But I am way into booze, food, and sex.  I know a thing or two about them, and the other things that I’m way into are probably no good for here.  For instance – I love me some video games.  Could I write about video games on a regular basis?  Yeah.  I totally could.  I totally dig on some music.  Could I write about musics more than once a week?  Sure.  But those two along with the vast majority of my interests are either less than interesting or are being covered very well by people much more qualified than myself.  But when I go catting around the internet for stuff about booze, food, or sex, I largely come up lacking.  This isn’t to say that noone is out there.  I can, and will, list off some great places to go if you’re interested in one of these three.  In fact, I’ll do that now:

  • SoGoodBlog
  • Beer And Pig
  • Tastespotting
  •  Ffff…. you know what, come back.  I have more, I just can’t remember them and I lost a lot of bookmarks with my last computer crash.  Gotta back up to the cloud, and all that jazz.

But here’s what I’m saying.  I know some shit about drinking, about eating and cooking, and about shimmying my hilariously miniature junk into women who could probably do better.  I’m also a little bit fucked up.  I feel like I could offer an interesting angle on all three and I feel like all three are things that I will never run out of things to say about them.  I could say some interesting things about some interesting booze.  Booze that you might encounter in the real world, whether it be fairly mainstream or somewhat niche.  I feel like I could offer some interesting things in the gigantic world of food, though I’ll probably select a smaller niche to stick to.  I actually already have, and I’m really just building up a back log/trying to work that angle for a bigger, shared website before launching it.  And I have some interesting things to say about sex.

I have some very interesting things to say about sex.  Things that will intrigue you.  Things that will disgust you.  Things that you will have strong opinions about.  Things that you will have strong reactions to.  And I feel like I am at a place where I can talk openly, honestly, and knowingly about sex.  All aspects of sex and sexuality.  I read things all the time about this subject and I really feel, all too often, like they are wrong.  I’m not just talking blogs – I’m talking surveys and Sex “Science”.  I don’t mean to completely belittle the field, but I feel the same way about it as I do about the vast majority of psycho-social fields – what do you really know?  I mean, you’re working off of self-reported surveys and honor-based studies.  People lie.  People lie all the fucking time.  We do it without even thinking about it, and we mostly don’t even know that we’re doing it.  “How long is your penis”.  Really?  Do you fucking really think that the vast majority of men are going to be honest about that?  “How many partners have you had?”  Are you fucking kidding me?  Unless you have a fucking magic tracker on a person, you will never have an honest answer to that question.  “How does this condom make you feel?”  Stop it.  You’re going after the wrong things.

These studies and surveys live in the strangest vacuums of mankind.  Oddly clinical while attracting only specific chunks of mankind while (probably) suffering from those groups of people unintentionally lying.  That’s not the world that I live in.  I think I might even say that it just isn’t the “real world”.  Sexual Sciences have actually done some pretty awesome things and I’m sure will continue to, I’m not trying to run them down.  I’m just saying that I think they have the same problem that I think that Psychology has – they are treating evidence as fact and corolation as causation.  I think that these fields do good work, but to act as though their results are “fact” when so much of it is subjective analysis is unethical.  Stuff like “anal sex can cause anal fissures and other health problems” – while it upsets me, ’cause that’s my jam, I get it.  That’s some fact-ass-fact, and it’s important that these professionals delve into it and tell us how it is.  They will come up with some for-realz answers.  We should listen.  Stuff like, “Allupin Buttsecks Personal Lubricant May Cause Cancer” – again, something with some fact-assed-facts.  However, “Allupin Buttsecks Personal Lubricant is the Best for Buttsexing” is very subjective and irresponsible when addressed in the context of Science.

I can recognize that the subjective example above is not likely pushed by the Scientists and mental professionals themselves, but is rather put forward by… I don’t know, copy editors and marketing directors or some shit to better market it.  Yeah.  I get that.  But I see subjective things with small sample sizes constantly being touted as completely vetted and factual far too often.  This comes up because I read an article off of a new favorite site that I actually liked – thewirecutter.com.  There is some “this is a fact” going on, but in a way that I can really dig.  The author, Debbie Herbenick, doesn’t front as if her data is the end all be all.  In fact, along with being upfront and honest about sample size and methodology, she tips her hat to other brands.  So to be clear – I’m not salty at her article.  I like it.  It just sort of reminded me of articles and studies that have pissed me the fuck off, and only because of subject matter.

Where do I fit in?  I’m just a dude.  I am one human being.  I can think and express myself rationally.  I can think and express myself irrationally.  I can and will be honest as much as possible.  I will not dictate that all of humanity will be this way or that, but I will offer my opinions and some of my assumptions about this world, and I feel like I have a lot to offer when it comes to all of this.  I don’t just like sex, I love it.  I love doing it.  I love talking about it.  I love hearing people’s opinions about it and the things that surround it.  I think that it is a super important part of the “Human Experience” and I think that you’re fucking crazy if you can’t at least agree to that.  So yeah.  Sex.  I’m up in it.

This is why I have ordered sex toys.  Because I love me some doin’ it and I think that I can provide some interesting thoughts and opinions on the subject, and I think I can do so on a regular basis.  Aaronsnotes.com was never meant to be a purely sex-based blog.  It’s a me-based blog.  Shit that I’m into, shit that I’m doing, shit that… whateve’s.  As such, I don’t go all sex all the time.  Some have complained that I haven’t been sex-centric enough in too long… I get it.  Sorry.  But that’s not the only dimension to me, and this blog really is an open book of me.  It’s a blog.  I’m allowed.  If someone want my sex-type-things and only my sex-type-things, I’m open to offers.  Monetary offers.

Wait a sec… I kinda lost my point there.  Let me drag it back in.  I bought some sex toys because I am a huge pervert and I want to talk some sex and stuffs.  Expect to start reading/hearing/viewing things about this in two weeks.  I might get started early, but don’t count on it.  I am committing right now that each and every Thursday from whenever the fuck I start it, there will be something sex related on this site (unless that content gets completely bought out, though I would probably try to work that out in the contract).

This is why I ordered some sex toys.  Actually, sex toys might not even be the biggest part of my order.  Honestly, it’s probably the smallest part.  Whatever, here’s what I ordered.  I’d tell you to expect reviews, but some of this stuff I might not really have an opinion, or the opinion might be three words and not an actual review.  Consider this a preview to what might end up as a Thursday post some time in the future.  And feel free to suggest things that I should review, check out, or discuss.  I’ll take questions, too.

  • Screaming O Vigrating Ring
  • Tenga Egg 6 Pack
  • “Head Honcho”… I think is the name of this male masturbator…?
  • Lubemania Sampler Pack
  • Lifestyles Snugger Fit Condoms

So… really… I bought three sex toys.  I have more on the way and stuffs, but yeah.  To clarify, I don’t actually plan on the weekly thing being entirely sex toys.  I don’t have the time or money to really make that work.  I also don’t have the kind of perviness/swagger required for some of them.  It won’t always be reviews.  It’s that, once it starts, every Thursday will be some kind of pervert talk.

tl;dr – I bought sex toys because I plan to start a regular sex segment on my blog.

And yeah.  “Snugger Fit”.  I’m not packin’.  But I’m damned good with Derringer that I got.

My Extended Bootycall Forecast: