So for the past few years, almost always prompted by that Jackie fella what tweets a lot in an interesting fashion, we head over to a club for gentlemen… to appreciate the female form, and such. To be completely honest, I’m a little worried.
Here’s my deal. I likes the strippy. I enjoy having a woman of nakedness grind her nasty bits against my nasty bits through my cheaply purchased jeans. I enjoy eyeballfucking boobies and coochies whilst partaking in some delicious boozedrinks. I enjoy chitty-chattings with my friends and random strangers about the bits and pieces that my eyes are so thirstily drinking in. But there’s this one stipper, that I wonder if she’s still there…
See… I do find her sexy, though I wouldn’t call her hot or cute or anything like that. I don’t think we’ve ever had a conversation, not that I feel like we should. I don’t particularly feel anything deep for her. But she coerced me into a lap dance once and it was so awesome that every fucking time I go there I get a minimum of one lappy from her. It has gotten to a point where I now have to budget an overage or two lap dances and too much booze for each time I go there. Why too much booze? I told you her lap dance was awesome, right?
Oh, you don’t get it. It’s real awesome. Like, every time she backs me into a corner, I almost let the goop fly. Gross, right? Yeah. Imagine how it is for me, ’cause the last few times I’ve gone, it’s been a carpool situation where I would be stuck with the drippy-crusties in my pants for hours before making it home. Thankfully, I’m usually so wasted that my junks needs an extra two-to-forever minutes to actually arc a load. But there was one time where I was just wasted enough to not be sure what had happened… but not be so drunk that I didn’t shoot salt lotion. Frankly, there’s at least a 50/50 chance that I jizzed in my pants one time because she was destroying my dick so awesomely that I could not stop it from happening.
tl;dr – I’m intimidated by one and only one stripper because she always talks me into a lap dance and I it’s always a little too intense, because I apparently have a hair trigger.
FYI – At least a half dozen times, I have had to whisper (or yell) into her ear that she needed to lighten up/slow down or I’ll loose my stuff. I think I once said, “If you don’t back off for at least ten seconds, I’m gunna go cumsies in my panties.”
tl;dr – this too skinny stripper always tricks me into a super aggressive lap dance that gets me super close to cumming in my jeans. Woof.
My Extended Bootycall Forecast: