Today I’ll share a very weird thing about me…

But first, it’s Friday so here’s a thing that I found on the internet.

 

Back to the subject at hand: some weird about me.  I should preface this by saying that the idea for this post didn’t come straight from my head.  It came from reddit.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s a… you know, I really don’t know how to explain it.  It’s a thing.  Go check it out.  Anyway, someone on reddit posed the questions, “What Pavlovian response have you developed accidentally?”

I’m not entirely sure what qualifies.  I used to play the old Diablo games while listening to the Nine Inch Nails album “Downward Spiral”, ’cause I’m smart like that.  After all of those hours of pairing the two together, anytime I pop in the album I think of the game.  Sure enough, now that Diablo III has come out, I started playing it and immediately started thinking of the album.  But then, I haven’t had any physical response.  Does that count?  Hmm…

Here’s one that I’m pretty sure does.  Friends and regular readers of this shitshow blog probably already know this about me, but I’ll restate it just in case – I’m kind of a dirtbag.  I enjoy a plethora of vices and less than reputable behaviors, though I abstain from most of them.  I don’t know why, but for some reason our society finds sex to somehow be dirty, especially when it’s a one time thing or otherwise outside of a relationship.  So, okay, I guess I’m dirty.  I like to knock boots and I’m not dating anyone.  I get a little action (is there a less douchey way of saying that?  Anyone?) from a bar or two that I semi-frequent, but my best luck is always on the internet.  For a lot of people, that somehow makes it worse.  I call those people “squares”.  Really, what makes it weird?  Whatever, that complaint is for another day.

I also enjoy a particular sex act.  Actually, I enjoy quite a few that seem to highlight my skeezyness… hmm…  Right now I’m talking about anal sex.  I enjoy the buttsecks.  But playing the back nine is, in my experience, easier and more enjoyable with a little help from some lubricants (and no prophylactics).  I have been using the same brand of assthrust grease for the past few years, ordering a new little bottle from Adam and Eve (NSFW) when I start to anticipate running out.  It is a “warming” lube, which means that it kind of warms up and makes things tingle a little.  I like the novelty, I suppose, but it doesn’t usually do a lot for me.  When I ask a lady I’ve lied with how it was for her, she usually gives compliments to the lube.  Which is… I mean, I’d rather they say that I knocked it out of the park and it was all me and my prize winner, precision tool, but… I guess I’ll take that.  For me, I just like the the viscosity.  It’s just thick enough to stay in place and not wear away right away which, let me tell ya’, is a problem.  If you take anything from today’s post, take this – when having buttsex, you can never have enough lube.  There’s another thing that I like about this lube.  I like the smell.

It smells like cinnamon.  No, not really… real cinnamon or that close-enough cinnamon that most of us have in our kitchens smells different.  It’s more like candy cinnamon.  You know the kind.  Hard or gummy, round or heart-shaped, translucent or opaque, they always smell just that way.  Like they’re spicy and sugary at the same time.  That’s what my buttfuck lube smells like.  And the smell fills the room, which is also nice.  Anyone who’s had an extended love session in a car with closed windows knows that it usually isn’t flowery.

I noticed something a few months ago when I reached for a sip of a rather cinnamony drink at a friend’s house.  I popped wood.  The soldier stood at attention.  The ol’ tail wagged.  You know what I mean?  I mean I’m talking about my cock and how it became quite erect.

Which was awkward, because there was mixed company.  I didn’t want to risk more exposure by looking around to see if anyone noticed, so I put down the drink, grabbed another, and ditched on the quick.  This seemed like a perfect plan except that I chose my route of egress poorly.  I headed for the stairs to the basement, which I had assumed empty and lead to outside, which I was pretty sure noone would be.  Wrong on both accounts.  I passed by some pretty girls at the foot of the stairs, wand-a-waggin’, and found a fairly full group in the backyard around a dying grill.  Great.

Thankfully, the awkward fear was enough to kill the erection, and I’m pretty sure noone outside was any the wiser.  But those girls… pretty sure they got an eyeful.  Quite likely as it may have been at eye level.  Then again, I’m not exactly working with a sledgehammer, so maybe my thick jeans were enough to mask my ball peen.

I have had this reaction in other situations, but that was the first and most dramatic.  I have had times where the trigger was there but no reaction was had, so I think I can assume that the response has not fully associated.  Maybe I should cut my losses now and find a new lube, hope this will go away forever.  But man… it’s really good lube.  Maybe I should embrace it.  Maybe someday I could leverage it like viagra.  Yeah?  Hmm.

tl;dr – Because of the anal sex lube that I useI now get a boner when I smell candy cinnamon.

How’s that for a too long;didn’t read?  No bootycall forecast for this upcoming week.  I might add one later – things are in flux.