A gift and a curse



It has been a while since I was on here.  So much has happened in my life, I don’t know where to begin.

First, I have joined the twitter revolution. Follow me @amazingjtimbs


I guess what is most on my mind right now is the gift/ curse I got from my cat lady mother in law.  Yes one of those cat ladies.  Doesn’t have running water, or food, but manages to scrape enough together to buy food for almost 100 feral cats.  She is in a program called community cats of md.  Basically, community cats rounds up all the wild cats in your neighborhood, then drops them off in her yard.  Grateful I don’t have one of these broads in my hood.

Now I am an asshole, and a douche. Naturally I called animal control anonymously.  I then waited for the aftermath.  For 2 fucking weeks. Nothing. So I called again. That is when I learned that animal control can’t take cats from crazy cat people enrolled in this program to “save” animals.  How about them apples, you get a crazy cat lady in your neighborhood, she signs up with these fucks and you got 100 fucking cats that you can’t do shit about. It is so bad, that when she saw her shrink, the shrink said she can’t come in cause she smelled of cat piss.

Now the Christian in me wants to take pity. I have given her access to fresh clean water, and repeatedly offer my shower, soap, food, water, etc.  I have offered her a place to live, to help her escape the hell she currently is wallowing in.   I know that she has it hard, and most of it self inflicted.  Not really much different than you or I.  Most of my problems are white people problems, and most are caused by my douchie nature.  I try to do what is right, and be a good samaritan, but goodness it is a challenge.

It becomes even more challenging when I find out that my wife, my bed, my house have FLEAS. Yes, disgusting, biting, evil fleas.  Now I don’t have animals, and didn’t have any issues until…. you guessed it, I let her shower here.  Now I have fleas. Shitty.

Does it get better? Come on now, how long have you been reading? Of course it gets better.  MIL is also a gardener.  She GIFTED no CURSED me with a blueberry bush, and a bunch of other cool plants. Like serviceberries. I don’t even know what that is, but it sounds cool.  However, these plants were with her in her cat house.  Cats like to piss and get cat stink on every thing. EVERY THING.

It didn’t even cross my mind that cat piss could be on plants. Would it cross yours?  I was awakened by the sounds of a cat being forcibly raped the other night. I of course investigated.  Turns out it wasn’t cat rape. It was a cat gang bang. Right on the previously mentioned blues. Now I have the blues. I am running a cat brothel apparently. Wonderful.

tl;dr I am enjoying the sounds of a cat orgy in my backyard nightly, I am a douchebag, HOORAY! And Follow me on twitter @amazingjtimbs