I’ve just spent the better part of an hour searching for some kind of stock photo to perfectly sum up the first of what I hope to be a relatively frequent thing. I haven’t come up with anything and know that it’s something I should really just make myself. Get some idea of what would work and just take a picture and move on. I’m probably not going to do that, but I guess we’ll see. I need to start making sense and quick…
This is what I’ve been looking for a photo for. I’m sure that I mentioned this some time ago, but I’m not really sure. I have some friends and family who have expressed interest in some form of blogging or fuckin’… I don’t know, something. I typically encourage them to go ahead and start one. It really isn’t difficult and the best time to start is now. Lately I’ve been finding out that this attitude is pretty spot on towards many things in life, but.. that’s for another.
Very few people that I know ever actually take this suggestion. I hear a lot of excuses about how much work it is or how, “Yeah, I really gotta get on that…” or “I’m just not sure what to…” or “I can’t find my fingers…” or something equally stupid. I hear this most from those who I’d actually like to do it. People who might have something interesting to say, whether it be because they have a unique take on that something or because of the way that they express their opinion. For those folks, I have found myself offering help. Either suggestions on how to get started, help on setting up the technical side of things, or topic ideas. Some times I just straight up say, “Put it on my blog” or “Write it/record it, and I’ll put it on my blog for you.”
So far, about half a dozen people that I’ve suggested this to have expressed wanting in on this. Until today, noone has actually followed through. Over this past weekend, I actually received the first. My brother, known to Three Guys listeners as “The King of All Douche”, has submitted for your reading pleasure A Dissertation on Etiquette. It has not been edited and, from what I understand, some spelling, grammar, and even a bit of content are a little off – most of which is intentional. I find that rather funny. Anyway, it’s right over there, so check it out and hopefully he’ll keep ’em coming.
His first post here included some pointed commentary on etiquette and bathroom time. I’ve been noticing a bit of an alarming trend on my own. I know that the ready-to-go product has a real name but in most of these cases I’m coming across the hand-made, jury-rigged version. I’ll just call it an “Ass Gasket”. I figure you already know what I’m talking about, but just in case – it’s that paper that separates your fragile bottom from the harsh, germ infested seat of public toilets. You should know now that I really don’t have any problem with ass gaskets. Actually, I find it a pretty good idea and sometimes wish that the things were more a part of my regular bathroom routine. I’m not so sure of their actual need or effectiveness, but there is something to be said of the mental comfort this thin layer of separation offers. While I have some other negative things to say about these things, I’m more or less alright with them.
Except when you leave them behind.
You’re all safe and free of having to deal with the grossness of sharing a bathroom with the great unwashed, but have left behind a pile of grossness for some other, innocent member of society to have to deal with. I walk into the bathroom, ready to rock, and open the door to a problem.
Look, it’s bad enough that most public buildings have switched over to those low-flow or “effecient flus” toilets that apparently can’t handle most people’s issue with just one flush. It’s bad enough that now I have to flush a second time to make sure everything goes down (yeah, real efficient there). It’s bad enough that most of you motherfuckers won’t even bother making that second flush, and I’m betting that a fair number of you cunts won’t even bother with the fucking first one. NOW you’ve added a new tool to your tool bag of “how I can prove to you that humans aren’t worth saving”. NOW you’re going to take the time to lay down a protective layer of paper to save YOU from the toilet, but when you finish, you don’t clean up after yourself. So NOW I have to either find another stall or figure out how to deal with YOUR fucking mess. AAAAHHHHH!!!
I know this is first world problem like a mother fucker, but seriously? If you’re in a bathroom that I use on a regular basis, then you’re sharing my first world with me. If you’ve taken the time to lay down your protective ass gasket, then you understand that public bathrooms are gross enough as they are without adding anything to it. That ass paper you’re leaving behind? It was on your ass. Your ass was on that. I don’t care how magical and clean you think your ass is, it is still an ass, and if I’m seeing it, it means it’s probably in the men’s room which mean’s that the ass gasket was on a sweaty man-ass. Clean the fuck up after yourself.
I’m thinking about doing a weekly… I don’t know, “stunt post”. I know, sometimes it seems like my normal posts are pretty stunt, right? Yeah. I mean that once a week I’ll have something consistent. In order to do this regardless of mood or business or laziness, it’d have to be something pretty fucking easy and something that I’m pretty fucking interested in. Here’s an example – if I were more of a pervert and had fewer morals/hangups, I’d post an “Ass of the Week” where I’d snap off a photo of some chick’s rad booty that I see out in a store or something. Well… I wouldn’t really. Or at least I wouldn’t being the person that I am with the hangups and morals that I have. Maybe I could do like… “Free-assed thing of the week”. Or, “Recipe of the week”. I don’t know.
I’m really just toying with the idea right now, so I’m open to suggestions. I don’t get a lot of suggestions, but most of what I do get comes through my email. I wonder if it’s easier or if it just feels less scary. I don’t know, man. You can comment right here. And yes, I’m pretty sure that I fixed the problem where comments would just fucking get spammed because my spam filter was a suckfest. Anyway, comment here or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
One thing to keep in mind is that I like the idea of other people sharing their views on this blog. A consistent weekly subject offers an opportunity for “guest blogs”. Your don’t have to be a regular contributor but if you have something you’d like to add to that subject/format, then you can. I like the idea of that, too.
tl;dr – Read Justin’s thing, clean up after yourself (especially in the fucking public bathroom you animals), and wouldn’t you like to post your sandwich to “Aaron’s Notes Presents: Sandwich of the Week’?
Actually… fuck, that’s a really good idea. Man. “Sandwich of the Week”. Yeah, I really gotta think about that one. It seems kinda… brilliant.