I should take a picture of this… pro’lly not gunna.
Here’s the deal. I’ve been growing my hair out. I do this about every few months but to no real end. It usually starts out with me just kind of forgetting that I haven’t had a haircut in a while until I eyeball myself in the mirror for a while and go, “Wow, I look like shit. I need to get a haircut.” If I get all busy or lazy or anxiousy, then it gets even longer. Then I start thinking, “Y’ know, I could really go for a new style.” And I start thinking about how I would like my hair to look, but I never really think all that hard about it. I’m not a very stylish person and I really don’t keep up with style trends. I work in corporate America, and rather like my job. I’d like to advance in it and I wouldn’t want something like a silly desire for crazy hair to fuck me over.
I should mention right now that it’s silly to me. Don’t kid yourself, style is a very silly thing. However, I get that any aspect of style is a medium of self expression. Self expression is important, even if you express it to noone. Life is hard enough without keeping shit bottled up inside or, even worse, living a lie. If you feel like you’re living a lie as a plastic blond, then you gotta dye that shit neon blue and let your freak flag fly, yo’.
I don’t feel that way. I don’t feel like I’m a stuffy, stodgy, sewn-up suit. Even when I wear a suit, which isn’t often (and has yet to happen at work). In fact, I rather like the way that I look and feel in a suit. I like the way I look with a smart tie and a nice shirt. I’m not a big fan of slacks, though. Hell, I don’t even like khakis, and don’t get me started on corduroy. Fuck that shit. I really just prefer jeans and fatigues. Maybe I should see about picking up some sport jackets, but that’s for another time. I’m all types of off track now…
Back to the hair. I want a new haircut. I decided on this a few months ago. I had also been thinking about doing Locks of Love or some other hair-donation program. I’m pretty wishy-washy on that one. It would be a pretty cool thing to do and there’s no way anyone would give me shit about it at work, but man… most of these deals require at least 11″. I don’t even know what 11″ means. Trust me. Yeah. That.
So ignoring this sweet thing that I’m probably too much of a pussy to actually do, let’s focus back on this thing – I’ve been purposefully growing out my hair so that I can bring my fat head into a salon or barber shop with as many options open as possible. I had fully expected to be back to either short or fairly short hair at the end of this, but now I’m not so sure. I kinda like the extra hair. I’m pretty sure that I’m not balding, but I’ll bet money that my hair will at least thin or grey in the not-too-distant future. I should get a little something more out of it before then, right? So I think I want a medium-to-long hairstyle that’s still business friendly and trendy… but not too trendy. Wow, man. I’m a real bitch, aren’t I?
Maybe I should just say that last paragraph to a stylist. I mean, that’s their job, right? There’s no way that anyone else would know better than them, right? But I feel like I’d walk away with something fuckin’ crazy. I mean, have you ever googled “hairstyle” or “men’s hairstyles”? Where the fuck do these dudes work?!? Are they all working at Hot Topic? Is every fucking one of those dudes an actor, artist, or musician? ‘Cause motha fucka, I push spreadsheets around all day. I convince middle-management that this is a good idea and that’s not. If I have a peacock on my head, I kind of feel like my points may not be taken very seriously.
Alright, let’s calm down. I want a new hairstyle. I have very specific requirement but absolutely no idea of what I want. I have some very clear ideas of things that I don’t want, and hope that may help. Is this one of those things that I should just trust the professional and say, “Here’s my deal, what do you think?” like I would with a butcher or Sushi chef? Or is this something that I really need to have an idea and be careful, like auto mechanics, loan officers, hookers, and fast food?
I’m going to keep growing it for at least another week. I’m thinking two months maximum. Then I have to go. In fact… maybe I’ll set up an appointment. Yeah… been a while since I’ve done that.
tl;dr – I want a new hairstyle but have no idea what to do with it.
Maybe I should just go old-school business and start combing some pomade through my hair every morning. That’d be pretty sweet, right?