Recipe Monday: Bleu Balls of Fire

So you remember how back in the day I mentioned that I didn’t know what to do about cooking for potluck things at work?  Do ya?  Sure.  Well, I’ve been working on that.  I’ve been coming at it from two different directions.

Direction one – take one of my dishes that is either a bigass pot of something or that I know keeps and travels well and adapt it to either be good cold or to stay decent in a crock pot.  This direction has been quite a boon for me.  I have twice brought in my vegetarian chili (no, I am not vegetarian) and received quite a bit of compliments.  I’ve even been asked for the recipe and to bring it in another time.  Crockpot pulled pork or shredded chicken are always a win.  I think I’ve even got a good way to do single-serving ribs in a crockpot, but I still need to kick that concept around a bit.

Direction two – concoct a batshit crazy thing that will work well in either a bigass crockpot or as easily takeable single-serving things.  This has been my favorite.  Not only have I been able to appease and occasionally impress wit’ m’ skillz, I have also been able to really stretch out my capabilities.  I’ve come up with some pretty awesome stuff.  Sadly, most of what I have come up with… someone else came up with first.

I came up with Chicken and Waffle Pops (recipe pending).  When I googled a good waffle recipe, I found out that some cocksuck had already come up with it.  So I stole their recipe and changed three things.  Now it’s mine.  Dicks.

I came up with Caprese Bites.  Then I found out that someone else had already done it.  So I changed up the order, served it on skewers with a balsamic reduction, and now it’s mine.  Pricks.

Most recently, I came up with Buffalo Chicken Meatballs.  Guess what?  Some other fuckface had already done it.  Even stupid Rachel Smoker-voice Ray did it.  Really?  Fuckin’ really?  Fuck that bullshit.  Imma change a few things.  Adapt it for a crockpot.  Stuff them with bleu cheese, add habanero peppers, slip in some smoked paprika, and ya’ll’s can go fucks ya’ll’s selves.  Ingredients in order of use:

  • 3-ish tbsp olive oil
  • 1/2 cup chopped red onion
  • 7 cloves garlic
  • Big ol’ bunch of fresh parsley
  • 1/4 lbs minced habaneros
  • 1 pinch salt
  • 1 tsp ground black pepper
  • 2 lbs ground chicken
  • Hungarian smoked paprika
  • bleu cheese
  • ’bout a stick of butter
  • 1 bottle of flavorful hot sauce (like Frank’s or Texas Pete. Not the stupid-hot, flavorless messes like Blair’s Ulta-Your-Ass-Will-Bleed Sauce)
  • 3/4 lbs thin-sliced habaneros
  • More salt and pepper to taste

Here’s how you do it:

  1. Saute the onion, garlic, parsley, habaneros, salt, and pepper in the olive oil.  Your call if you just want to sweat them tender or actually want to brown them.  I browned them.  Shove in the fridge for a few to cool.
  2. Mix the cool-to-touch onion/habanero saute with the chicken and paprika.
  3. Throw in the fridge for a bit longer – you’ll need the chicken firm enough to not fall apart in your hands.
  4. Preheat oven to 350
  5. Grab a small wad of meat and smaller wad of bleu cheese.  Put the cheese in the middle of the meat wad.  Roll it into a ball.  Mine ended up anywhere from 1/2″ to 1-1/2″… just try to shoot for around 1″.
  6. Start baking the meatballs.  About 12 – 15 minutes or until golden brown.
  7. Combine the hot sauce, butter, and remaining habaneros in a sauce pan or your crockpot.
  8. When the sauce looks like violent lava, give it a taste.  In the end, I found it a bit too spicy for a “pot luck” scene and it didn’t quite cover all of the meatballs, so I added some water and another stick of butter.  This amount really only works if you’re making a shitload and trying to keep all of the chicken covered in sauce.
  9. Add the meatballs, balance your salt and pepper, and serve.  If your crockpot has a “Warm” setting, use it.
  10. Warn your party members that these might be spicy.  I did not.  My bads.

I’m not sure who published the first one of these, but I can all but guarantee that the Food Network didn’t come up with it first.  I worked out most of my questions with this recipe – from Hungry Harps.  My recipe is a near rip-off of theirs.  I’d feel guilty about this, but everyone else seems to be using the same basic stuff, so… whatever dudes.

tl;dr – It’s a recipe for spicy chicken meatballs.  If that’s not your bag, just skip the thing.

Seriously, though.  The Food Network used to be one of my favorite cable networks.  Now I basically can’t stand them.  It’s as if all of the legitimate cooks and chefs have either left or become corporate shills and terrible marketing whores.  I don’t want your fancy-bullshit-overpriced cookware or your half-assed stolen recipes.  No wait… scratch that last.  I do want your stolen recipes.  So I can steal them.

Also, I forgot to get a picture of the finish product… but I do have them picture of the aftermath:

Two pounds of chicken and when I left the potluck there were only two meatballs and a bunch of molten tongue destroyer left in the pot.  I think people liked this one, despite the apparent heat.