I need to go workout now ’cause I pro’lly won’t later

This has become a common phrase that I say to myself (in my brain piece, that is) and is totally for serious.  I can’t really consistently get up in the morning to exercise before work and I can’t really consistently roll right into exercise when I get home after work.  However, I need to be working out every single day.  Not just to remedy my whole fatness thing, but my health in general could really use it.

I can do either on a regular basis, I’m sure, but that’s kind of my problem.  I’ve proven my own will power to myself more than once and on much more difficult subjects than just getting up to do half an hour of so-so workouts.  I’ve tackled harder shit than excessive drinking and poor diet.  But for some reason, this shit has become balls-assed hard.

I’m starting to be able to deal with it, and that’s why I’m writing about it.  Not that I couldn’t admit it before, but rather that I couldn’t recognize it.  I have to imagine that quite a few people go through this stupid shit.  Is this familiar to you? “Yeah, it’s been a pretty shitty day.  I’m just gunna get a burger and a six pack and then I’ll just start this whole weight loss thing tomorrow.”  Or “I’ve been doing pretty good.  A few nachos tonight should be fine.” Or “Yeah, I really need breakfast.  I can’t skip it, and I need to get out the door now, so I’ll just grab something on the way.”

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve said some version of each more times than I care to admit.  In retrospect, those phrases are probably more indicative of what has really been hindering my weight loss.  When I just kinda think about it, I feel like those instances of just giving the fuck up only accounts for a very small percentage of my daily doings.  But when I really think it through, it’s probably more like 25%.  That’s a fuckin’ problem.

I need to wrap this up to make some sense.  Also – I need to go to work.  I’ve been working on “me” for the past few years.  I feel like I’ve made some pretty strides in fixing my problems and dealing with the shitty things that all people have to (you know… getting over yourself and your past and faggy shit like that).  This is one that has really dragged on longer than it should, and I think it’s because I’ve not really thought about my actions and how responsible I am for them.  I have done this with everything else, but for some reason have managed to mentally give myself a pass on health.  Like, “Nah, whatever, I’ll get started next week.  This week is just too hard.”  Recognizing just how bullshit a thought like that is helps.  Figuring out how to get past it is the next step.

tl;dr – You should pro’lly just skip this one.  It’s pretty fuckin’ “Dear Diary”.  

Yeah.  That’s it.  Sorry for a shitty blog week.

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