Trying to Keep Up With My Jazz

Today’s post is going to jump off a rails a bit.  Sorry ’bout that.  It’s one of my occasional check-ins that will unintentionally turn into a weird and sad “I don’t get church and would like to be left alone but still want to be present” rant.  Here are my vitals:

  • Weight is holding at (-7) from when I started the gut loss kick
  • Drinking is measurably less horrible, but still not great
  • Currently playing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, MW3, and Catherine
  • Legitimately enjoyed some time with family over the Thanksgiving weekend
  • Taking a new stance on another silly issue – Black Friday (more to come)
  • My list of porn stars that I enjoy watching is incomplete.  I can’t seem to remember some of them, so maybe I’m just not that into porn stars.  Hmm.
  • Work is busy but in a good way
  • The plan I have for some weight loss has been tested.  It works.

Testing the weight loss thing that I’m looking at is how I have held that (-7) even though I ate like shit for at least three out of four holiday days.  I dipped to (-15) for a hot minute and then ate my way up to (+4) and then worked back down to my current holding pattern.  It’s complicated.  Also – yeah, I realize that I didn’t post on Friday, nor did I record an episode of Gut Loss.  Sorry about the Friday thing, but c’mon.  I’m not sorry about the Gut Loss thing ’cause it currently only seems like three people are into it.  The download counts look fair, but feedback is next to nothing.  If ya’ dig it or hate it, I’m eager to find out.  Comment here or drop me an email –  I know the commenting system on my site is a little dicked, but I also know that some people have gotten through.  I don’t know what the secret is, other than not looking exactly like spam.

I completed a little over half of my Christmas shopping from my laptop while hung over in my boxers on Friday morning.  I’m sure the in-store and door-buster deals were better, but it’s all relative.  I didn’t have to leave my home, wake up at some crazy hour, or deal with dick-face-dip-shits.  Seems like a fair trade off to me.

I don’t know that I’ve ever mentioned it.  Maybe it’s something worth elaborating on in a future post.  Family and friends mean a lot to me.  It’s probably the main reason why I’ve been a dickhead about… really just two things within the past few years, but I will admit to really being a dickhead about them.  Of course, in at least one instance, I still feel quite justified.  But that’s for another time.  The point is that they matter to me and the concept itself matters to me.

The problem with family (and even some friend) relationships is that they require maintenance.  I know this seems like a shitty thing to consider a problem, but I’m kind of a whiny bitch.  To be clear – I don’t really have high maintenance friends.  I have had a few, but most have simply fallen by the wayside.  None of my family is high maintenance, either.  At least not for me.  Maybe that’s because I set the bar really low so they just don’t expect me to do such shit.  I don’t really know.  I don’t really care.  But what I do care about are the things that are, honestly, light maintenance.  It is some amount of work but not anything difficult.  Be at place X with thing Y by time Z.  Simple enough.  But sometimes it’s boring or awkward or not at all my style.  For instance, I’m not churchy but a lot of my family is.  I know that they are good people and generally what I would hope others of their respective religions would consider the standard model.  That makes it easier, yet more awkward.  Like the whole idea of belief in god (or “God”, depending on how you swing) either being assumed or a topic of conversation.  My feelings on the whole situation are very strong but also quite divorced from my equally strong feelings on religion or third set of strong feelings on personal belief systems and faith.  That, as other things I’ve mentioned today, is a thought for another post.  The biggest thing I struggle with is my place in all of this.  I don’t believe.  It’s not like some high school rebellion or a loss of faith situation.  I flat out don’t think that there is, living now or likely ever, a god.  Certainly not in the sense laid out by any of the major or well known minor religions (obviously, Buddhism doesn’t do the god thing, so… exceptions, yo’).  I don’t think that there is anyone or anything out there that is even remotely involved in our daily lives.  I think that “watchmaker” concept has more merit, though certainly not in the fashion that most of its proponents state.  The watchmaker concept is that, while there may not be a god milling around meddling in our daily lives, some great entity surely must have been there in the beginning to set up the rules of our universe and set them in motion.  I guess it’s fair enough, but I still think it’s silly.  I mean, even if some magical man said “Let there be light”, what out there said, “Let there be god”?  But I’m getting off course…

When I’m at family events that are based on or predicated by religious belief, the best I can do is just keep my mouth shut.  I do this because of one of my personal beliefs – don’t fuck it up for everyone else.  Let me make it clear – I’m not going to proselytize atheism.  For one, I think that if you have faith or some sort of religious belief and that helps you to be a better person, than that is great and you should be able to keep at it.  For another, having to deal with sooo many people from different religions trying to convert me to or convince me of their ways has really dragged on me.  It really damages my general opinion of the human race.  I wish they could get this – their trying to convert me doesn’t make me want to sign up.  It makes me want them all to just stop and go away forever.  Furthermore, as long as you aren’t all up in my chili with your religion, I don’t give a fuck what you believe.  In fact, I’m down to have a civil discussion about it.  I rather like hearing people’s beliefs and how that guides their lives.  But if you try to beat me over the head with it, you can fuck off forever.  If anything gets me to believe, it ain’t gunna be some person, no matter how close they are to me.  On the other hand, I don’t need to believe to celebrate a person or a religion.  But giving me the hard sell won’t get me to join.  It’ll make me recede.

This was supposed to be a simple post about “hey, this is where I’m at in life right now” and it’s spinning out of control into a whole “leave me alone with all your holy shit” rant.  It wasn’t meant to be.  Here’s what I was driving at – mitigation.  Yeah.  I said it.  I used a tool-assed corporate term for my personal-assed life.  It’s the best fit for the issue at hand.  I have a problem, as stupid as it may be, and it isn’t going away.  Instead of being a dick about it and making a big stink about something that, really, I don’t have that much of a problem with, I’m just going to come up with ways to either avoid the issue or to better deal with it when it arises.  Yeah.  That’s some smart shit, right?  I’m not going to reveal just what those plans are right now… partly because some of them are Christmas gifts (yes, Christmas.  I don’t give a fuck that I don’t believe, it’s just something that I grew up with).  Partly because I’m not totally sure how to pull them all off.

tl;dr – Stop being all up in… wait a sec

You know what?  Fuck it.  I’ll give one of the gifts away.  I’m giving better board games and card games as stocking-stuffers to just about everyone on my gift list this year.  As a minimum, that’ll give us something better to do than just awkwardly eyeballing each other until someone brings up a not so awkward conversation starter.

tl;dr – Stop being all up in my chili when you ain’t gotta.  In the mean time, let’s try to enjoy each other’s company without being up shit that we all know is going to make things weird.  I’ll smile and nod when I have to.  Now break out that deck of cards.

By “better” games, I mean better than the games that most of us have as our typical, household games.  Scrabble, Risk, and the standard deck of cards are pretty good.  Chess and checkers are fine, but there’s always a huge skill gap.  As much as I love Monopoly, Life, Sorry, etc… those are pretty shitty games.  They’re easy to cheat or meta-game apart, they have poor time management, and at this point a lot of us have an aversion to them.  Clue (or Cluedo if you’re across the pond) is a lot of fun but also pretty shitty.  I’ve been playing some better games over the past few years and I’d like to pre-load some of these games in the households that I frequent.  Partly because they are people that I would like to play with.  Partly because those houses most frequently end up full of people that I don’t know and don’t really have anything in common with.  If your whole life is church, babies, and fashion… ‘the fuck are you and I going to talk about?  Instead of either sitting there and hoping noone asks if I’ve excepted Jesus as my personal savior or trying to wing out conversation starters that might somehow be considered rude, let’s loosen up with a card game and maybe a hot toddy.  Yeah?  Yeah.

OH!  What’s with the picture?  Fun fact – I do origami.  Nothing special, and I really only know a few folds by heart.  I do it when I’m bored or when I’m stressed.  As such, I’ve done quite a few over the past few months at work.  I’m thinking I should stock up on origami paper and scatter it around my condo.  This way, when I start fiending for any of my preferred vices, I’ll just fold me up a crane or a bunny instead.