So I Guess It’s Today

And I still haven’t figured out which way I’d prefer to communicate this shit, so I’ll probably record a quick audio blog thing-fuck-thing this afternoon/evening as at least a place holder.  After that, I will probably won’t mention it again until I establish how I want to put this out there.  After that, I won’t talk about it here until I make some significant breakthrough.  Wait, I should probably explain myself.

I’ve been bitching for a while about needing to lose some weight and Friday I said that I’m starting a new weight loss program.  In greater detail, it’s a four week professional deal that I’m starting today.  So far so good, by the by, but my breakfast so far hasn’t been terribly different.  My lunch is a salad with grilled chicken (still not that different) and my dinner is some other home cooked meal.  The biggest difference is that it has been pre-balanced for me.  Plus, there’s like a plan and shit to follow.  Who gives a shit?  I don’t think anyone who reads my blog gives two shits about how I lose weight or that I plan to do so.  In fact, I’ll bet most who think about it at all would probably prefer I stay fat, because fat guys are hilarious.  Fit guys are annoying.  Skinny guys – sometimes funny.

Anyway, I’ll get into all of that on this audio/possibly video tour of me trying to get rid of my fat gut and bitch-tits.  Also, just how shitty my last extra-shitty meal was and just how little I enjoyed it.

Oh, today’s featured picture.  That’s the vast majority of what it takes to make a great French Onion Soup.  Yeah, that’s it.  It’s like… less than a dozen ingredients and barely any work.  If you are an adult and can’t cook, you are a complete and total piece of shit.  Time to start learning.  That’s another thing that I’d really like to do – a youtube type show where I ridicule viewers into learning the basic skills that fucking everyone should.  It blows my fucking mind when I meet an adult – a fucking adult – who lives off of fast food, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and ramen.  Adults that can’t maintain their cars or do simple home repairs.  I know adults that have trouble doing their own laundry.  Really?  Fucking really?  You don’t know how to iron a shirt or the difference between savings accounts and checking accounts?

It’s actually kind of hard to hold it against people.  When I think back on all the shit that I had to figure out for myself because everyone else just assumed that I knew about it, I get pretty salty.  There are some adulthood handbooks out there, but most are either corny-funny or corny-corny.  Fuck off with all of that jazz.  There should be a concise, adult oriented, funzies thing to teach you how not to be a piece of shit.

tl;dr – Weight loss starts today, remind me to record an audio thing this eve, learn to cook and stop being a piece of shit, you stupid piece of shit.

Melt some butter in a big ol’ pot, add a shitload of onions, some sprigs of fresh thyme, a couple bay leaves, salt, pepper, jizz, maybe a shallot.  Cook uncovered on medium with occasional stirring for like an hourish or until the onions are all tender and deep golden brown to a little darkier brownish.  Add some of your favorite table wine (a dry red if you want it hearty, a dry white if you want it to bring out the onions complexities) and a bunch of stock or broth (I prefer beef stock, though many recipes call for chicken broth… don’t know why).  Bring to boil than quickly drop to a simmer and let it do that for like another half hour.  Toast some 1/4″ – 1/2″ sliced of baguette until golden brown and crispy throughout.  Ladle the soup into single-serving, oven proof soup dishes.  Place some toasty baguette croutes on top.  Top that with slices/sheddies of Gruyere & Parmesan cheese so it completely covers the croutes, soup, and spills a little over the side.  Through it under the broiler until it bubbles and browns.  Pull the dish out and let cool for a hot minute or so (but not too long or those baguette croutes will turn to gnarly mush).  Serve with fresh baguette and shit tons of complimentary wine.  Light some candles to make it look impressive.  Sit back and let your company totally swoon.