I Want Pulled Pork

Apparently, Subway is now offering a pulled pork sub.  I’m a bit dubious on this.  I mean, I’m sure it’s fine, but that place wouldn’t have the stuff that I’d want on my sammy – namely coleslaw.  Plus, I prefer my pulled pork to come from a smoker out back of a shack or attached to a truck.  That being said, I make pulled pork at home and don’t have a smoker.  I make mines in a slow cooker, so… maybe I’m just a dick.  Alright, here’s what I like to have around when I’m having pulled pork, either on the sammy/burrito, or next to it:

  • BBQ a-saauuooosse
  • Coleslaw
  • Corn on the cob
  • Potato salad
  • Macaroni salad
  • BBQ chips
  • Salt n’ vinegar chips
  • Mustard
  • Malt vinegar
  • Kosher pickles (delicious AND ironic)
  • Mayo
  • Horseradish
  • Sauerkraut
  • Lots and lots and lots of napkins
  • Wetnaps
  • A comfortable chair
  • Ladies with large breasts and low-cut shirts
  • Beer
  • Bourbon
  • Paper/plastic table and flatware
  • Nipple clamps
  • Chocolate covered gummy bears
  • Old Bay
  • Waffle-fries
  • Crinkle-cut fries
  • Ketchup
  • Micronesia
  • Fried chicken
  • Baked Macaroni
  • Otterpops
  • Hydroxicut
  • Dandelions
  • Tax cuts
  • Sandra Bullock’s vagina
  • The Hartford Whalers
  • A sultry southern sex-vixens
  • Onions
  • Grilled peppers
  • Jalapenos
  • Albert Einstein’s desiccated corps
  • And finally – Lemonade
If you have all of that stuff, let me know.  I’ll come over and eat your pulled pork.

tl;dr – if you didn’t read the thing, then what’s the fuckin’ point?

No really, I have other things to share.  Next week.  Maybe.