Fuck My Coffee Cup

No, I don’t mean that I’m going to try to have sexual relations with it.  Nor am I instructing you to do so.  Rather, I despise my coffee cup.

I bought a travel mug sometime last year.  I had been wanting to replace a really great coffee travel cuppy thing I had received as a gift from my girlfriend (at the time).  It was a pretty great cup.  It held about 11 ounces, was double walled, fit in most vehicular cup holders, and had a top with a tight seal.  On top of that, you could unscrew the bottom and slip a picture in between the inner wall and the outer, clear wall.  Naturally, I stuffed a bunch of my used guitar picks in there (’cause I’m such a rocker and shit).  I had already been planning to replace it when one day it found its way to the heating element at the bottom of my dish washer and did some good ol’ fashioned melting.

I had criteria for my new cup, and couldn’t find anything that really fit it.  I wanted it to hold 16 ounces.  Have a lid that sealed completely.  Fit in my car’s cup holder.  Double walled.  Metal.  No stupid designs.  Comfortable handle.  I even got to the point of measuring the cup holders in my car (back with the Jeep).  Nothing worked.  I ended up buying a aluminum, lidded coffee travel mug from Target.  It seemed decent at first, but quickly went down hill.  It didn’t fit in my cup holders, the lid didn’t seal, the handle wasn’t great, and it made my coffee taste kind of metallic.  Worst of all, if I tried to drink from it with the cap on, it would dribble on me.  ‘Cause, you know, who would ever want to drink from a travel mug with the lid on?

I was completely done with the fuckin’ thing when, earlier this week, I made the time to make a good breakfast and brew a nice cup of coffee.  It was a good breakfast and a great brew.  I was all types of happy and ready for work.  I got down to my car – my brand fucking new car – and put my coffee in this crummy travel mug into my cup holder.  It didn’t fit.  I tried just about everything possible to find it a place to not spill, and then thought “Ah.  Maybe if I put it on the passenger side floorboard”.  Nope.  It spilled at the first, calm turn.  I was so fucking done with the thing.

Thankfully, it only got my floor mats, but still.  What a blower.  I spent some time researching my next cup and found that what I was looking for was apparently crazy sauce and I’m an asshole for ever thinking it might exist.  I am settling on trying some of those ceramic, paper-cup looking, silicon topped coffee cups.  I ordered this from Amazon.com, and expect to receive it today.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

tl;dr – Coffee cup sucks, bought a new one, I’ll tell you how it goes.

Oh, right… booty.  Next time.