About Last Night – In Memes

For the past few months, I’ve been reevaluating some of my tactics for booty acquisition.  I think that what I want/need right now is one (maybe two or five…) friends-with-benefits lady(ies).  And I do mean a lady.  Well, I mean a lady… what’s the phrase?  “Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets”, I think.  She aught to be classy in her day to day doings.  I mean that for whatever scene she’s in.  If she’s a hipster, that’s fine, but don’t be a trashy hipster that looks like she doesn’t shower.  If she’s an emo or scenester, cool, but not if she looks like she’s going to be sticky.  In other words, it doesn’t have to be business skirts and blazers.  In the bedroom, she should at least be down to do some dirty/stupid.  I’d prefer it if she occasionally initiate such sicklove.  I’m getting off track again.  Let’s leave that thought to chill and get back to today’s point.

I want a regular (or five) non-to-semi-serious relationship.  I’m really getting tired of the chase.  This sort of “catch and release” thing I’m doing really drags on me.  It’s weeks, sometimes months of effort for a chick that might, and often does, end up being pretty so-so.

I know there must be some women out there that are looking for the same deal as I.  At least a few of those women must be alright with doing that said deal with me.  And at least a few of those chicks that want that with me are going to be the type of chick that I want to do that with.  I feel like I’m not making sense again, so here’s a Ben Diagram that I made myself’s to illustrate my point:

A few years back, I made huge strides in my scummy-one-nighter-ing with the “shotgun method” on a popular hookup website.  The shotgun method is simple, and many have used it.  Many have used it in bars and nightclubs, though I would not advise the practice in such settings.  On the internet, however, it’s a great method.  Assuming that you aren’t trying for a serious relationship and aren’t misleading anyone into thinking you are, it might just be the best tactic.  Here’s how it works:

  1. Sign up on a hookup website.  NOT a dating website.  No eHarmonies, no Match.dizzle’s, and no doulikes.  C’mon.  Don’t be a dickhead.
  2. Use the search function to find every person you want to bang.
  3. Read their profiles.  Any that seem like their personality, relationship goals, and sexual needs meet your own (or they didn’t fill out their profile), go to step 4.  Otherwise, ignore them.
  4. Email them.  It takes a while to develop a style.  To convey your voice in a way that is genuine, but also sparks a reply and isn’t out-and-out offensive.
  5. Oh yes.  ALL of them.  Email every possible one.  If you don’t, how will you know if they are or aren’t into what you are?
  6. Take all responses – at first.  Read through them to see if they are picking up what you’re putting down, and be prepared to answer some really awkward shit.
  7. Converse with each separately until you’ve narrowed the field appropriately.
  8. Once things seem comfortable, make your move on the chick(s) or dude(s) or… chickadude(s)? that you want if they haven’t already.  If you only want one, don’t set up five possibles.  That could get really shitty really quickly.
  9. Politely let down those you are no longer interested in (’cause leaving things open sucks)
  10. Booty.

 

This still has hazards.  It’s a lot less dangerous a minefield than a bar, but you could easily end up with Scumbag Stacy:

However, if you can hold a conversation, you’ll be able to weed through most of the bullshit and find yourself a Cool Chick Carol:

So over the last week and especially last night, I messaged a shitload of women on one of those dirty sites.  Some of them, I don’t even really want.  It would just kinda be nice to get some kind of response from them.  A little ego booster, and I could use a boost to the ego right about now.

Next Week’s Booty Call Forecast: Light chance of fireworks with a slightly older woman.

It may seem like I’m pandering with this whole meme thing today, but that’s just because I am.  Fuckin’ what?  Oh, and don’t worry – here’s a starter one for me:

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