I’m not a hypocrite. Actually, I might be one. In fact, I’m fairly sure that I am. However, I don’t think I’m all the way hypocritical on this one. I took a minute to re-read my post on Monday and I can see how a part of it isn’t very clear. The chick was already hot on her own. The strange, jailbait-y, glossy, candy appearance didn’t make her hot. If anything, it kind of made her look like a dumbass. It did, however, add points to an already respectable score.
When taken in context with some of my previous ramblings, this has to sound very out of character. However, I think I am still in line with my own rules. The clothes, the hair, the lipstick and all of that jazz didn’t make the woman. She was hot just because she was hot. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the extras were nice. They kind of worked to tie it all up in great package. My best way to explain this is to point out some common times when most men are affected by this phenomenon. In fact, I’ll bet women have a similar issue: Uniforms.
Does the term “Naughty Nurse” mean anything to you? “Saucy Stewardess”? “Sexy Schoolgirl”? If you think that all it takes is the uniform to make a chick hot, then you haven’t been on a plane in the last few
years decades. Those thousand-year-old broads with their smoke-tanned teeth, awkwardly hunched and misshapen bodies, man-hands, and depressed eyes wear uniforms every day. They are also extremely unappealing. On the other hand, let’s say these ladies actually were attractive to begin with. Young, fit, healthy, and cute faced. Let’s say they were… how about 7’s? On the standard 1 – 10 scale, that would make our fictional ladies very attractive, but believable and somewhat common. If you slip one of these ladies into a Flight Attendant’s uniform (or better yet, a pilots! Just me?), she might become an 8. It’s unlikely that a uniform will upgrade her to 9, and really… a full point is a stretch, but it is possible. It can’t make a gross chick hot. It just can’t. Though I suppose it could make a hot chick a bit hotter.
“Sexy Schoolgirl” has an added, ill-defined quality. I guess it’s the whole forbidden fruit deal. It’s a strange concept, because the costume a person wears won’t usually change my opinion of them, least of all their looks. I’ll give you a formula that might not be a real… thing… I don’t know, I’m confusing myself, so here’s the f… here’s the fuckin’ thing:
Hot Chick + Uniform = Extra Hot
Ugly Chick + Uniform = Nasty
Normal Chick + Uniform = Slightly Better Than Normal
Hot Young Chick + Dressed in Skimpy/Dumbass Attire/Youth Emphasizing Junk = I Can’t Get These Pants Off Quickly Enough
7 (hot) + .5 (clothing modifier) = 7.5 (slightly more than hot)
However, the chick that brought my confusing scale up to me in the first place seems to see things differently, or at least when it comes to her personal attraction to men. For her, it’s more like this:
Any Guy + Uniform = Hottest Guy On Planet
1 – 10 (does this part even matter to her?) + Mechanic Shirt = Instant Swooning
I find that very strange, but hey – everyone has there preferences. The hot chick from my weekend hookup was hot on her own, but yeah… that the strange collection of clothing and accessories did tie together to add to her already naughty, inappropriate allure. You know, sometimes I’m really gross.
tl;dr – If you’re hot and you do… a thing, with.. fff… let’s start over
tl;dr – The clothes don’t… hot you… ‘cept when… eeeffffff, got try again
tl;dr – Even if you look stupid, you… fuckin’… some other things. I don’t know. Just read the whole damn thing.
I’d like to see if she’s about for some stupidness tonight, actually. She maybe wasn’t great, but did let me do stuff with/to her and made it clear that she would be interested in return visit. I could use some dirty company right now. Really need to blow off some steam abouts some dick-up I did at work.