Imma Predict Some Futures – 3/30/2011

I feel like making some predictions.  Don’t take these as gospel.  I’m just a dude on the internet coming up with shit based on other shit that I’ve read from dudes, chicks, and robots on the internet who probably came up with it from reading other things on the internet.
  • The Prius will be the most popular vehicle in America by 2015.  I think this will happen regardless of whether or not those factories close or have interruptions.  The model has expanded to a few line versions already.  This isn’t anything special, just something like how Corolla has versions like SE, LE, LTD, etc.  For Prius, it’s II, III, IV and that’s just the beginning.  They’ve already rolled out their ad campaign for the next stuffs.  In case you haven’t heard, “The Prius Is Going Plural”… which is schlocky yet kinda endearing.  Anyway, it will split into four, very distinct base models.  The current model gets incremental updates and continues – likely becoming Toyota’s flagship within the decade.  The second (called the Prius V) appears to be a mini van/crossover/station wagonish thing.  The third version will be a plug-in hybrid version of the normal Prius (something that I really want, but as a condo dweller, where the fuck am I going to plug that thing in?).  The fourth (dubbed Prius C) will be the compact version.  Other signs point to an accelerated retirement of some of Toyota’s other models – perhaps including their most popular ones.  It seems kind of strange to imagine a Toyota without a Camry or Corolla, but this Prius C seems like it overlaps with at least the Matrix.
  • Reality TV won’t die, but it will hit it’s next phase in about a year or two.  X-Factor may or may not be a hit, but the concept itself is a winner.  I suspect the only real threats to its success are shitty contestants, shitty hosts, or maybe – just maybe – the name.  Otherwise, I suspect a backlash against our “educational” channels showing us some of the dumbest TV out there is always just over the horizon.  I do think that type of show will continue, but I don’t think they will stay on the same stations and in the exact same format.  But I don’t really watch that stuff, so… what do I know?
  • Japan will bounce back and be better than ever.  Just like us, they ain’t about to throw in the towel for anything.  Unlike us, they will actually learn from this, and bust their asses trying to figure out the best courses for future development in all areas of construction, transportation, and their entire energy infrastructure.
  • As of today, I still think that President Obama can win the next election.  I’m not prepared to predict whether or not he will, but there have been a lot of personal, “Because he did this, I got this awesomeness” stories popping up lately.  Mostly healthcare related, and most of those on the side of getting healthcare or not having to pay an arm and or a leg.  Though I kinda think he might just gracefully bow out.
  • I think Palin may try to run for President in 2012, and that she will be humiliated before the Primaries are even over – which I will fucking love.
  • Facebook won’t shrink, but its growth will dramatically wane.
  • Twitter will grow, find a revenue stream, then lose a shitload of traffic as we assholes all find a new toy.  But it’s okay, ’cause the creators and investors will still make out like bandits.
  • Youtube, Hulu, and several other video streaming sites will out pace both cable and network TV, and not just by counting five minute clips of hot teens talking about nothing.  In give or take a decade, at least one online video content provider will command more advertising revenue than any one network.
  • Some interesting chick with some cuteness/hotness going on is going to trick me into a serious relationship with her by 2014.  No predictions as to how long it will take me to fuck it all up.
  • By technicality, Android phones will (if they haven’t already) lead the market share.  The iPhone will really be in the lead.  Windows Phone 8 (or whatever they end up calling it) will be its only real competitor.
  • America will shut down or severely curtail the budget of NASA by 2020 because we are all A) Too stupid to realize how important and how useful it is/could be; B) Too stupid to realize how to best use them; C) Too stupid to clean up the obvious money pits we have in that program and D) Too fucking stupid to realize that the wasted budget lines in NASA don’t come close to comparing to the money dumps of so many other programs and E) Are just too fucking stupid.
  • Which will end up being fine, because private corporations will eventually open space up to industry and commerce for anyone who wishes to be a part of it.  It’ll be rough for the first 10 – 500 years, but it’ll end up pretty rad in the end.  I just hope I live long enough to become a notorious space pirate.
  • We (whole world, yo’) will have an enormous shift in agriculture and food production.  It could be for the better or for the worse, but it is positively certain that you will still be able to get a Big Mac at an unreasonably-reasonable price.
  • Fourth-Wave Feminism, the next step of Civil Rights, a return to intellectualism, and a major sexual revolution are on the way for the Western World (and likely everywhere) in about a decade or so.  But first – we’re gunna get real dumb and reeeal shitty to each other.  Just do your best to be part of the solution or at least ride it out.  Just raise your kids.

tl;dr – You know, as hideous as it is on the ground, the Prius would make a fairly handsome personal spacecraft.  Kinda like the shuttle craft from those Star Trek jams, right?

Friday, I’ll predict how long my next BJ will last.