How Should I Be Banging This Year?

Obsessed with sex?  Yeah, maybe I am, but it doesn’t bother me one bit.  A lot of it is just for the lols, but whateve’s.  Here’s a little silliness for you.

Do you enjoy the holidays?  Of course not, but you do love having the day off.  You probably also love knocking boots.  If you don’t, then I don’t understand you at all.  Few things are better than intimacy and orgasms.  Ever wonder just how you should be knocking boots on those days off?  OF COURSE YOU DO!!!  Well, here’s a list of holidays (some that aren’t days off) and sexual havings for you.  You may consider it your very own sexual planner for the next twelve months:

Date Holiday Sex Act
3/17/2011 St. Patrick’s Day “Frozen Chipmunk” with some kind of green drink
4/19/2011 First day of Passover Standard, Mutual Oral Sex
4/22/2011 Good Friday Handjob/Fingerbang
4/24/2011 Easter Sunday Unprotected vaginal intercourse OR “Bunny Style”
4/27/2011 Administrative Professionals Day Roleplay sex – One of you is the boss, one is the secretary, and it’s the 50’s, so it’s okay.
4/29/2011 Arbor Day See how long you can keep the wood up.
5/5/2011 Cinco de Mayo Don’t give a “Dirty Sanchez”, give a “Happy Ramirez”
5/30/2011 Memorial Day Blowjob while humming “The Star Spangled Banner”
6/14/2011 Flag Day Reverse Cowgirl
6/16/2011 The Greatest Day Ever Day If you’re a sexy lady, have some sex with the author of this blog.
7/4/2011 Independence Day Do all of the dirtiest sex acts you can think of, ’cause THAT is freedom
9/5/2011 Labor Day Wheel Barrow and/or Mutual Masturbation
9/29/2011 Rosh Hashana Single folks, find a Jewish person to “Shtup”.
10/10/2011 Columbus Day First – go get some old Spanish armor. Second – go find a hot native woman. Third – Buttsex.
10/31/2011 Halloween Stay in costume when you get to it. Position: Something appropriate to the costume you are in
11/11/2011 Veterans Day Single folks – go out and bang a veteran. Veterans, go out and bang a civilian. Position:
11/24/2011 Thanksgiving Day Stuff her and baste her.
12/24/2011 Christmas Eve Three Wise Men
12/25/2011 Christmas Day Buttsex. Think about it.
12/31/2011 New Year’s Eve Sloppy, drunken, side-by-side sex.
1/1/2012 New Year’s Day/End of Kwanzaa Hangover Handies
1/17/2012 Martin Luther King Day Missionary. ‘Cause he was a Reverend.
1/23/2012 Chinese New Year 2012 is a Dragon year. Logically, you should screw Dragon Style. “Angry Dragon” is not advised.
2/2/2012 Groundhog Day Give ‘er the ol’ “Peek-A-Boo”
2/14/2012 Valentine’s Day Get real romantic or some shit. Try “The Lotus” from the Kama Sutra. Or anal.
2/20/2012 Presidents Day You could give an “Abe Lincoln” to your lady, but I wouldn’t suggest it.
2/21/2012 Shrove Tuesday/Mardi Gras I don’t really think you need instructions for this day. You can figure out something fun.
2/22/2012 Ash Wednesday Face down, ass up. That is the method of which we prefer making love.
N/A Your Birthday You know what your favorite sex act is, and this is the day you can try to get it.

 

There you go.  Go forth and bump uglies.