My Attraction Attributes Scale – Part 3: Keep It Stylin’


Like I said before, the style of a chick usually doesn’t matter to me.  I should be more specific – no particular style is truly better then another in my eyes.  I go through phases with what kinda style I like most at any given time, but if you look good then you look good.  A pricey handbag and new shoes will not make you more attractive to me.  They might make you less.  Alright, let’s get into it.

Hairstyle –  Seriously, it doesn’t matter.  I’m even down with somewhat dumb hairstyles.  Did you see that chick’s haircut in Tron?  Stupid.  She was still hot as all getout.  A “bob” is lame, but some chicks can pull it off.  Big Hair is dumb as shit, but there are several Scene Chicks that look hot as fuck with it.  I’ll bet that most guys like nice, long hair.  Some dudes like it curly, some like it straight, and so on.  I don’t have a particular preference, and I really don’t get why someone would go for a certain lady just because of how her hair looks.  If you held a gun to my head, I’d probably choose wavy over straight, but I like an afro, too.  The only hairstyle that I absolutely say I don’t like was that stupid, giant, purposefully frizzy 80’s hair that it seemed like everyone had through the early nineties and some people still try to rock.  It didn’t look good then and it doesn’t now.  Otherwise, your hair is just an accessory to the package deal that is the you.

Clothes/shoes – I don’t care if you’re wearing brand new pumps or beat up old Chucks.  They neither make you more nor less hot.  They will tell me a little something about your personality, but that’s about it.  Clothing wise, I really don’t get that line, “I like girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch…” ’cause I don’t give a fuck if you bought it at Walmart.  If it looks good, then great.  Uggs and Crocs are gross and stupid, but they aren’t likely to make you less hot.  Frumpy sweaters suck, and so does anything else that hides a ladies figure.  Your old NASCAR shirt with the cut off sleeves that you wear ironically?  Stupid.  But you’re still hot.  Goth, Emo, Scene, Plastic, Preppy, Business Pro, Business Casual, Uniformed, etc.  All can be hot, all can be dumb.  You make the clothes, the clothes don’t make the you.  But bare in mind, I might be looking at your clothes and thinking, “That looks like a stuck up bitch” or “I’ll bet she’s an annoying, angsty brat.”  I not judging your hotness, just your youness.

Accessories – I’m not sure if I’m getting the point across here or not, but I’m really not taking your style into consideration as far as hotness goes.  If you’re wearing a lot of “flare” or “bling”, it’s not making me think you look hotter than you actually are.  That being said, this could make me think less of you.  If you have a lot of this shit, I’m going to think you are an empty, materialistic, cunt.

Makeup – Short and sweet, your makeup don’t matter unless it looks stupid or crazy.  I almost said unnatural, but the way that Scene chicks wear makeup is very unnatural, and some of them are smokin’ hot.  If it looks stupid or like you need industrial solvents to remove it, then you look stupid and/or gross.  Less is more, and I’ll appreciate the less a lot more if we are knockin’ boots and I wake up next to you/we end up in the shower.

Accent (vocal) – I think I already answered this by accident… but yeah, accents are hot.  Right now, my favorites are Kiwi, Londoner, and something from the Eastern Bloc that I can’t quite pin down (Latvian?).  This is subject to change.

Tattoos – I neglected to mention this in Part 2, and I’m not sure why.  Maybe because I tend to overlook them.  Much like the rest of style, it really has to be an extreme to matter to me.  If you are currently tattoo-less and wondering if it will help your chances, here’s what I think.  Your best chances of having a tattoo not being negatively viewed by others is to simply not get a tattoo.  An informational podcast that I listen to did an episode on tattoos and one of the hosts mentioned that she gets odd advances and inappropriate questions based entirely on her simple, nonsexual, nonthreatening tattoo on her wrist.  I find that unsettling.  Why would a nonsexual tattoo on a nonsexual body part automatically make someone assume that they are down for a one night stand or a slam behind the dumpster?  General tattoos don’t make me assume that, but apparently others do.  Think about that before you get a tramp-stamp, which is something I actually might judge.  I personally don’t care for the tramp-stamp, especially if it is the only tattoo that you have.  The closer to your crotch or crack of the ass that a tattoo gets, the more I think you’re trying to sex your body up.  That doesn’t mean you’re a skank, but a lot of skanks have tramp-stamps and a lot of porn stars have that above-pussy tat.  Think about that, too.  Trashy tattoos might make me think twice, but they aren’t going to make me immediately think poorly of you.  We were all 18 once.  Faces and memorial tats are incredibly unsexy.  A shit-load of tattoos on a woman is a coin toss.  It could be super hot (like some MFC chicks or Kat von D) or super gross (like this really gross porn star who’s name escapes me).

I should sum this up into something coherent:  I suppose that I have to admit that style matters, but not nearly as much as women and popular culture make it out to.  At least not to me.  I don’t really prefer any one style over another, but I do tend to eyeball ladies in the crazier styles (Goth, Emo, Scene) and the professional styles most.  Even there, I could probably plot a strange curve on what I do and don’t like.  A little Emo-y is cute.  Really Emo is annoying.  Extremely Emo is fuckin’ hot as shit.  Odd combos are really hot.  “Girl-next-door” is just as hot as “All Gothed Out”, and I don’t know how, it just is that way.  I would like it if fewer chicks wore frumpy bullshit just as much as I wish they would stop acting like a bracelet and a handbag can suddenly turn a gross dog into a sexy vixen.

tl;dr – Your purse doesn’t make you hot, but if you’re a black, nerdy, pink-haired, goth chick from New Zealand, then you and I need to talk about our future and all the buttsecks we’re gunna have.

In Part 4, I’ll swing over to the intangible stuff.  Then I’ll break for a while and blog about some other shit before wrapping this up with some kind of conclusion and maybe some of the stuff I’ve been pulling from these studies.