My weight has jumped around quite a bit for the last few years. More or less, I could categorize myself as “fat ass”. I think I may have capped 300 lbs at some point, but I’ve hovered around 260 for since January. I’m not happy about it, but I’m mobile and not yet disgusting. Anyway, there are two main problems. Neither is food, but there is definitely room for improvement in my diet. Problem one is booze, and I’ll hold onto talking about that gem until I can better put things into words. Here’s the preview – I’ve cut down a lot, but still drink too much, and it’s dicking up my health progress. Now that I have cut down as much as I have, my moobs are going down a bit. Rad.
The other problem is that I can’t keep consistent enough with my exercise. I’ve realized the biggest reason with that is likely my PTSD and anxiety. I have a membership to a great gym but rarely go. I hate going. There are too many people at all hours. The good looking people look too good and the gross people smell terrible. Also, the pool is too busy.
When I work out, I have one of two modes. Mode One – maintenance. I just gotta get in a minimum. I need 15 – 30 minutes to get my heart pumping and keep in practice. Mode Two – masochist. I bust my effing balls so I have just enough energy to grab the next meal and collapse on my couch. I love Mode Two. Those sessions make me feel great. Alive. Like a man. Something else should go here. Mode Two is hard to do in a second floor condo. I also get really self conscience about those sessions in public – more so now that I’m fat. Noone wants to see a fat, hairy, sweaty guy swinging his sausage legs around, bending, and thrusting. Add in the grunting and it’s a nightmare. I do get the occasional run on a path out back, but not as much as I should. I really need to either force myself to catch those runs at least three times a week, or I need an aerobic alternative in my home. This is why I want a bike with one of those trainer-prop things.
Well, I’ve been doing a lot of the Mode One lately, and it’s really just keeping me alive. I really gotta start doing the Mode Two sessions more often. Or develop a middle of the road session that I do almost all the time. Really, I need to get to bed and up in the morning earlier. For eff sakes, I used to be in effing charge of the PT sessions in Squadron! I need a new routine that gets me up in the bright and early before work, gets all my eating in before 8:00 PM, and puts my head on the pillow well before midnight.
So my aim is to hit 200 lbs., give or take. I’d like to be at around 190ish by the end of 2011. That’s plenty of time, if I could just stay on track. I feel like I’m rambling. Whatever, I’ll just post this thing. Penis.