Every Driver Sucks at Driving

There’s a trend I’ve recently started noticing on the road that really pisses me off.  I’ll get to that in a sec, but first I’ll admit that I hate other drivers on the road.  I just do, and I’m guessing you do too.  It’s sad, really.  For me, and I’m sure many, a car and the open road are among the greatest pairs ever.  It’s that whole symbol of freedom thing, or some shit like that.  I think that’s why I get salty when I have to share the road with shitty and selfish drivers.  But I should really get to the effing point.

“Swinging Wide” is the best way I can say it.  I’m sure you’ve already got the picture, but I’ll be more clear.  You know that move that semi-trucks do to make a tight turn?  As they approach the turn, they veer the vehicle away from the curb or whatever and then swing into the turn they want to make.  This helps them make the turn, keeps from smashing whatever is inside the curve, and helps avoid having the trailer topple over and spill delicious beer everywhere.  This is a very good practice for any semi-truck driver.  This is a terrible practice for Johnny McJackass and his Toyota Carolla.  Why, then, am I seeing so many regular sized and even FUCKING COMPACT cars “swinging wide” for a normal, everyday turn?  It’s not even the drivers of big-ass pick-ups or unreasonably big SUVs – it’s fuckin’ regular cars only.  What really blows my mind is that I’ve noticed that drivers are both swinging wide before the turn and cutting early while completing a turn (more on that another time).  What the yogart?  Let’s review:

There is no need to swing wide here.  None.

There is EXTRA no reason to turn when there is a separate turning lane, yet I see the bad way all the fuck-fuck time.

I think that every driver has three and only three responsibilities for driving.  I understand that parents behind the wheel also have to deal with the noise machines in the back, but even they can mostly follow these three:

  • Obey the Rules of the Road.
  • Avoid accidents.
  • Don’t Fuck It Up for the Rest of Us.

I follow these, and I’ve not been in an accident in years.  I can’t remember the last time I got a speeding ticket, or any other kind for that matter.  It really is that simple.

Obey the Rules of the Road:

While you should certainly know all of the traffic laws where you drive (your state/any other state you frequent), I’m not saying you have to actually do them.  It’s like keeping speed with the flow of traffic on the highway.  If everyone else jumps off a cliff, go to their now vacant homes and take their stuff.  However, if everyone else is doing 70 MPH on a highway – join ’em.  Especially if you’re in the middle of the pack.

Avoid Accidents:

You know, if you can’t figure this out, just quit.

Don’t Fuck It Up for the Rest of Us:

This is the most important rule.  Are you in the fast lane doing slightly under the speed limit?  You’re fucking it up.  Are you crossing four lanes in one foul sweep?  You’re fucking it up.  Are you swinging wide when there’s no good reason to and have traffic behind you?  You’re fuckin’ it up good.  My plea to all other drivers out there – only swing wide when needed.  Otherwise, you’re fuckin’ the guy behind you.